Lining Things Up

Dane seems to be making a couple friends.  His Occupational Therapist asked my wife if his therapists for his autism services can give a detailed list of what they are working on with him.  I will have to bring that up when I take him in Tuesday after school.  She also recommended having a IEP meeting set up sooner than previously set.  That is to get on the same page of how he is responding at home and what his therapists are currently working on with him.

I went to Grandpa's house to finally bring back the kids power wheels.  This will probably be one of the last warmest weeks of the year. 

My wife bought a couple solar lights to use on our walkway.  I set them up the other night.  One was somewhat charged and lit.  The other did not come on.  Dane went outside trying to get the one to light up.  He wouldn't stop until I told him that we would have to put it in the sun to charge up the battery.  Then he was like, "Battery's dead?"  I said "Yeah."

Tonight I thought the kids could play outside being such a nice day and all.  Dane took all the solar lights and lined them up on the walkway.  He has been lining up matchbox cars and saucer lids since he was very little.  I thought this may be a nice change to our house and let him do it.  In a couple months all the outside landscaping things need to get put away.  It is funny and weird how strait and organized he puts things.  If one thing goes out of order he goes crazy until it is replaced.  It sets off his routine when something is out of place.  I would be able to move the lights back but I would have to tell him several times that I am putting them back.  I would also have to show him which light will go where or he may go into a meltdown.

Danes collection of pin wheels has decreased by 3 also.  He had about 10 lined up outside our back door.  No matter how ugly and worn they were he had to have them in place.  I took the bad ones and told them they were junk and we should throw them out.  He was fine with that but I think that he thinks that we will replace them.  Maybe I will or not..I dunno.

Spinning sandbox toys, pinwheels and matchbox cars have been Dane ultimate favorites for toys.  I'd like to get him involved in video games but he shows no interest.  I put the PS1 in his room tonight.  He showed interest for about 2 minutes and wanted to go outside.  Allyson came in and started to play Spyro and Crash Bandicoot.  I went to check on Dane and he was spinning his pin wheels on the back step.  Maybe tomorrow he will show more interest because it's in his room.


Both kids are finally starting to sleep in their own beds all night.  Allyson has a little tv in her room and that gives me time to get Dane settled into bed.  Dane has his guinea pig, Wubbzy, in his room.  He has a nite light and a lamp also.  He is staring to show that he is scared of the dark.  He used to stay wide awake and not tell us hes scared.  I ask him if he wants his lamp on or if the nite light is good enough.  Sometimes he will say to leave the door open also.  The little space heater has helped keep him in his room at night also.  The calming white noise and soft heat puts him into a deeper sleep.  I am starting to think he sleep walks. 

Solutions

I talk to Danes teacher nearly every day after school is over.  He is off to a good start and working on what kind of sensory breaks he should have and how often.  To help him be less figgity in his seat he sits on a bumpy air cushion.  My wife asked Dane what that was for and he says, "I put my butt on it."  He is funny that way.  The teacher also has a wedge for him to write on to keep his forearm flat.  When he writes he picks up his arm up and writes like he has a claw hand.  His name writing has become a lot better and clearer and he is so proud of himself.

We had our first frost and Danes teacher asked my 3 year old daughter, Ally, if she likes snow.  Ally is so funny.  She says, "Yes, I like to eat snow.  But not the yellow snow.  That's pee."  The teacher burst out laughing.  Hell, even for me not there and my wife telling me this I almost dropped my phone at work laughing.

My wife and I try to communicate as much as we can.  It helps knowing what each other is thinking and what the kids are doing.  We had a very scary August where we thought our marriage was failing.  It was.  We didn't talk much.  We work opposite shift.  We were growing apart.  The divorce rate is some 80% of those with a child with special needs.  It however was a wake up call for us to start getting along and stop fighting over little stuff.

I have seen a big difference with the kids attitudes towards each other and us.  There was always so much tension and unnesessary drama going on.  Showing my wife more affection and her to me has brought my family closer.  We have been so busy working and angry because of all the stress that we have lost our ground.  We realize now that we still a family and need to work on something to fix it.  Getting my wife off night shift to start.

With work, Danes therapy and schooling, bills, not seeing each other all added up.  We felt like two single parents doing the best to raise our kids.  Life isn't easy but there is always a solution.  Nothing comes easy and it takes hard work and discipline to get results.

6 years old

Happy Birthday Dane!  6 years ago today I became a father.  I remember on the day he was born I got a call at work.  Dawn's in labor.  It was snowing outside and I listened to Green Day, "Warning" on the way to the hospital.  Her water broke after she carried two 12 packs of soda and started shoveling the walkway.

I remember holding my wifes legs together as they gave her the epideral.  I remember her calling the front desk on her cell phone and said, "Hi, this is Dawn and I just threw up."  Her call light wasn't working.  She puked into her ice water cup.  What she drank she filled back up.  That was kinda gross.  I don't think we kept that cup for memories of this day.

I was sitting in the back of the room watching Animal House on the TV.  She's giving birth and I'm watching John Belushi yell, "TOGA!  TOGA!  Dawns nurse was 6 months pregnat and asked her how she could be doing this.  The nurse laughed and said, "I don't know, Dawn."  Dawn then said she should have gotten a puppy instead. 

Dane was born and they wanted me to cut the cord.  I shook my head no.  He was blue and not breathing.  They sucked him out and put him under the oxygen.  I'm glad I stayed back or I could have complicated things worse with him.

I didn't know what to get Dane for his birthday this year.  I know he has a scientific mind and wants to know how and why things are the way they are.  He is afraid of tornados and storms.  I got him a Discovery Kids Tornado.  I also got him a marble run and a Discovery Kids alarm clock that projects the solar system on the ceiling.  I didn't give him the kids laptop I bought at the consignment shop yet.  Eveything was half off and I had a 10 dollar off coupon so that was nice or I dont think he would have got much.

I let him pick out his cake.  I thought he'd get the Cars cake with Mader and Lightning McQueen but he chose the fish one.  I got him some candles and a big number 6 to put on the cake.  He got out of school early today.  He was the class leader and took his rain stick for show and tell.  I also got him 2 packages of cookies to share with his class.  A little hispanic girl seems to have a crush on Dane.  That is so cute.

I have to work Saturday so Dane and Ally will spend the night with their grandparents so I don't have to drag them out of bed at 5 AM.  Dawn will get home and get a little bit of sleep before I get home and then hopefully we can take the kids shopping or something.  Another 4 weeks Ally turns 4.  If it wasn't for Danes little sister I don't think he'd be able to talk as well as he does now.

Dogs

I do not like dogs around my kids, especially big dogs.  Today was my nephews 10th birthday.  The carnival was is town so I took him, his cousin and his sister to town to ride the gravitron ride.  That ride rocks!  I haven't ridden it since I was in the 7th grade.  I haven't seen that ride since until this year.  Awesome.

I wanted someone to go on the ufo gravitron ride with.  I chose my oldest nephew to go with.  Afterwords we went on the zipper.  I will never go on the zipper again.  The operator ran it way too fast the whole time.  That is the worst experience I ever had on that ride.  My nephew was falling under the bar that goes on your lap.  He was yelling to "Stop!"  After I looked and seen what was going on, I yelled at the operator to stop.  He didn't.  He put it in reverse and went the other way which the ride does.  I didn't think it would stop.  He beat the crap out of us.  My wrist and forearms are still sore today from holding on.

My nephew liked the gravitron a lot so he bragged to his 2 cousins how awesome it was.  I took them to town and we rode it.  They had a blast.  I bought my niece a dream catcher because she wanted one.  She has bad nightmares and wanted it.  For 4 bucks I thought I'd get it for her.  The 2 boys were begging me to buy them a knife from the vendor.  I told them that I paid for their ride and brought them to town.  I went up to my old bedroom where I found an old switchblade comb to give to the birthday boy who wanted a knife.  That made him happy.

Later that day we had a lot of the family over.  The golden retriever was nearby and all the kids were running around not doing anything to disturb the dog.  I was on the other side of my truck when I heard loud barking and growling.  I thought the dog was attacking the toy poodle my parents have.  Then I heard screaming.  That dog got my 5 year old nephew by his arm and threw him to the ground.  He had puncture marks on his arm and was very frightened.

I don't know what got into that dog.  It has been a hot and muggy day and maybe the heat got to it.  I don't know and that's not an excuse for an attack on a child.  It scared Dane so bad as to think all dogs are bad.  We had to sit him down because he was shook up and explain to him that not all dogs are bad but this one was very naughty.

I don't care if a person is a dog lover and loves their dog but if that dog attacks, the owner better do something about it.  Either leave that damn dog at home or tie it up.  Keep it away from kids.  What would happen if that dog would have took its agitation out on another child who wasn't family?  I can guess a couple options that would happen.  

I don't want my kids near dogs especially after something like this happened.  I hate it living in town with all the neighbors walking their dogs and my kids wanting to pet them and running to the road.

You never know when a dog will get a chip on its shoulder so parents and owners better be aware of what could happen.  I am thankful that my nephew got it on his arm and not his face.  Either way, it shouldn't have happened but it did happen.  That dog is not allowed near my kids anymore.

After things settled down and the dog was taken back home my brother in law shot off fireworks he needed to get rid of.  That was a nice way to end the night.  It would have been a perfect day if that dog wouldn't have done that.

Marriage Counseling

Statistics of parents being divorced of a child with autism is 80 percent.  I didn't think my marriage was walking on thin ice.  I thought my wife and I were doing what we had to do until the kids get older.  I knew things sucked with the way things are.  Us working opposite shifts, taking Dane to his intensive autism therapy, working full time to make ends meet, kids fighting, stress from life.  It added up.

Everything is out of what we didn't like from each other.  We have grown apart and I didn't see it.  Our problems have brought us closer now then we have been since we've had kids.  Now we need to address our situation and figure out something to be happy again. 

We bickered a lot.  Even though we weren't yelling I think the kids could sense the tension between us.  They would fight all the time and talk back to us.  They never listened to us.  We lived like roommates and were raising our 2 kids like single parents.  When I am at work, they listen to her.  When I have the kids they, somewhat, listen to me.  When we are together they didn't know who to listen to and made their own rules.  My kids have (had) my wife and I wrapped around their little fingers.  Stick to your guns.  No means no.  Eventually, progress comes when they stop getting what they want all the time.

Ignore the tantrums.  I know it is very hard but it pays off.  Bite your lip and turn the other cheek.  They soon realize that you mean it.  No means no.  A lot of my issues with my kids was I was always saying no but not acting on it.  I'd say "no" and they'd do it anyway.  I didn't do much to stop them.  I just let them do it.  Now, I've had enough disrespect from my own kids and now they are starting to listen.  Get on your feet and take action.  Make your kids listen to you.  Do not react and get all angry and frustrated.  Act.  Stay stern and show your kids you mean it.  "NO."   They will learn to listen but it will take a little time to get it in their little minds that you are serious.

Issues & Injury

Yesterday I talked to Danes teacher who said he got a time out for throwing wood chips at other kids.  He came back into the school crying and hitting the wall.  I asked him if anything happened in school and he did tell me he got into trouble.  I told his teacher that this is the behavior issues we have with him at home.  If we tell him "no" he throws an attitude.  He hits us, himself, the wall, throws, knocks over...uncontrollable!

Today he must have been upset from the incident still.  He was a handful for my wife to keep him calm.  I called home from work to see how things were going.  She said she kept him home from school.  When they got home to get ready to take Dane to school he started banging his head on the floor.  He got a big bump on his head.  He also gave himself a nosebleed from hitting his head.  I sat in my car at work just shaking my head wondering what we're going to do about this behavior.

I got him this ball called "perplexus."  I thought he'd like it.  It's like a little marble you roll around these obstacles from start to finish.  He likes it but he gets mad at it.  He got upset at something and started hitting himself with the ball.  He put a dent in it so I had to take a screw and pull out the dent.

When Grandpa came over to visit we took my vehicle to put air into the tire because the low tire pressure light was on.  Since I was putting air into my tire I thought I'd pump up the kids hopper balls. When we got home Dane didn't like how hard the ball was so he started hurting his teeth and pulled out the plug.  I let some air out and he was fine.  His attitude and behavior really has me concerned.

He swears, hits and has unbelievable outbursts lately.  I am thinking were are getting to the point of having in home services to work with him instead of driving him to a clinic.  I thought those services were doing well with him but now I think we need to change our plan of action.

Dane really thinks and asks questions that makes my jaw drop.  He asked me how many rocks there are in space.  "4?" he asks.  I said, "Well, the moon is one big rock and the stars are all rocks that are on fire."  He then asks why they are on fire. 

Therapy Plus School

With Dane now in Kindergarten, his routine of therapy on Tuesdays and Thursdays for 3 hours have been set off.  He will now have his autism therapy 1 day a week for one hour after school.  I hope that this isn't too hard on the little guy.

I have to get up at 4:50 in morning and get ready for work.  I need to be out the door by 5:40.  In that time I have to get ready, eat a quick breakfast if I'm lucky, get the kids ready and get out the door to meet my wife in the parking lot at work.  We exchange a few words.  She gives me the keys.  I say goodbye to my family and go to work for the day.

Usually my wife would have to work all night and then take Dane to therapy.  She has been so exhausted from working all night and then driving home, changing and then driving 40 minutes to get to Dane's therapy session.  For the next few hours she needed to wait or go window shopping just to stay awake.  A mountain dew or McDonalds cafe' usually perked her up just enough to get her back home and crash.

Along side the stress of raising the kids and working separate shifts has taken a tole on our marriage.  We bickered a lot causing tension in the house.  The kids could sense it.  We felt like we were growing apart.  We realized there was a problem and got it all out on the table of our issues.  The biggest one of getting my wife off of the night shift and to go part-time.  Now to assess the situation and work on our budget.

Problem Solving

Dane is a problem solver.  At his grandparents house he and his sister were playing with one of grandma's penny banks.  It reminds me of that game "Plinko" on "The Price is Right."  Grandma told the kids to only put penny's down the slot.  What do you know, one of the kids took a quarter and got it stuck in the thing.  Grandma raised her voice a little because her friend who died made the bank many years ago.  Dane stormed off and said that he was going to hurt himself.  He started biting the door frame.  What does a parent do when their child has these behavior issues?  The counselors tell me to ignore that and I do but it really bothers me.

After he calmed down Grandpa and Grandma had hooks going down into the bank to push the quarter over to fall down the slot.  Dane looked at the sides and said, "Grandpa, these sides are bigger and it will fit."  Sure enough, Grandpa pushed the quarter over and tipped the bank on the side and the quarter came out.  Everyone laughed in shock how he figured that out by looking at it. 

Patience

Dane has little to no patience.  When he has it in his head that he wants something or go somewhere he yells at me, "Now!"  This happens right when I get home from work.  I only ask that I eat and take a quick shower before we do anything together. 

Today, Dane wanted to go to Grandpa's, as usual.  "Now Daddy!"  I tell him that we would leave soon.  Soon isn't soon enough.  He wants to go, now!  He grrs, clenches his fists, stomps his feet and then says, "Fine, I'm going!"  I try to hurry and get dressed and he's out the door and in my vehicle.  He adjusted the rearview mirror and got fingerprints all over it.  He had the dome lights on and was sitting in the back seat.  He was more then ready to leave.  With or without me.  But he has a problem.  I am his ride.  If he's going anywhere, its through me to decide.  I don't like being yelled at and told to "Shut up" whenever I tell him to do something.  Then he grumbles and say's that I'm naughty.  When I turn around and say that he's naughty he rolls up into a ball and cries.

So here I am at my dads venting out on this blog my frustration while he watches the kids for a bit while I write this.  I work all day and am very tired and just want to sit down.

The neighbors dog, Spud shows up here all the time.  He's a cute Jack Russel and looks like that dog from the tv series, Frasier.  Dane just adores that dog and says its his dog.  I don't mind the dog coming to visit but my problem is when it runs across the road, Dane wants to follow.  Dane gets on the edge of the driveway and waits for that dog to come back.  He isn't on the road and I keep telling him to get back.  He's too close to the road.  Finally Spud comes back and he chases it around the yard.

In writing this, Ally, my daughter comes in and said that Dane peed on her.  Great, now I have to explain or have Danes therapist, Katie draw him a picture showing him that it is not polite to pee on others.  The last story she drew was about him not spitting on others.  Dane was spitting on Ally, chewing up his food and then spitting it out on her plate and laughing histaricly.  That's bad behavior and needs to be disciplined.  A time out is an order.  Dane is so tall and strong and I try to keep him in the chair and look disappointed at him like our family counceler told us to do.  Bad behavior needs no attention drawn to it.  She told us to use the words, "You Will Not!"  and not over explain because he's not listening anyway.