"SELF HARM"

I don't understand the emotions involved in the autistic mind of my son.  When he has his mind set on something he has to do it now or see it.  When told "no" and trying to explain is like opening pandora's box.  Nothing seems to calm him down.  The littlest things can set him off into a meltdown.

This is where he starts to say and do things that are not normal.  He is so upset that he will bite his hand and/or bang his head on the floor or hit the floor.  He will say things like, "I'll break my teeth."  He will put a cloth in his mouth like his shirt or blanket and pull.  Why does he get so upset?  Because I told him "No."  There are boundaries he needs to understand and follow the rules.  Just like everybody else.  When he's like this I am at a total loss.  I try to advert his attention to something else.  Mostly the meltdown just has to run its course.  After that it's a difference of night and day with what just happened.

When trying to control outbreaks like this, remain calm.  The frustration you show feeds into that emotion.  Even trying a stern voice doesn't help in this case.  Most children can understand who is in control.  You are.  Keep your voice calm and try to explain "Why" to the child.  I've tried this but I think my wife does a much better job.  I think he can sense the frustration in my voice or something.  He seems to get a grip on himself faster with her than me trying to talk him out of his anxiety. 

It doesn't help much that we have to work opposite shifts and live like we are single parents.  His little sister doesn't seem to help much when she pushes his buttons.  She knows what's wrong and still she'll mess up his row of cars or take something he likes.  Then he hits her.  I hate that and I try to get control over that and explain that that makes her sad and it hurts her and I have to show him a no-hitting social story.