Big Boys Club

During my son's intensive therapy today we were given advice on how to treat Dane more like a big boy and make him feel needed and appreciated.  The therapist recommended small chores and not to give him a question option of "Would you; Can you?"  Instead we have to get down, put our hands on his shoulders and calmly say to him, "Put on your shoes."  "Pick up your toys." etc...Try to make and hold eye contact as well.  She explained that once a parent masters control, all it takes is a look and the child will know what you want of them and they will stop in their tracks.

The therapist explained that my son is expressing a need for attention.  This can be both positive and negative.  Any form of expression you give either praise or anger gives the child some type of attention that the child wants.  You must remain calm and not accelerate their emotion.  Again, you must get down to their level and explain calmly what you want from the child.

She also gave us some explanation saying that telling Dane that he wants to be a big boy and help out like a big boy.  She called it the Big Boys Club.  She wants us to explain to him that when other kids are getting ready for class what other kids will think when he's not ready.  When he refuses to brush his teeth we have to explain that he doesn't want yellow teeth or cavities.  We have to push into his world and help him to grow up.  Children live in the present and we as parents teach them about yesterday and tomorrow.  We should not dwell on the past or worry about the future.  We need to live and connect with our children in the now. 

Working with a child and helping develop their fine motor skills is a skill a child doesn't loose.  Recently, Dane stopped zipping up his pants and coat.  He says he can't and it usually makes me give in to him and zip up or start for him.  The therapist told us that he's doing that for attention.

Tonight I kept giving him the "Your doing so good; You are a big boy; You are such a great helper."  Compliments.  I'm not sure but I think he could see right through it.  Getting his jacket zipped up didn't seem to take as long.  He said he can't.  I got it latched and said, "Okay, I helped, now you finish."  He zipped up and we spent the next several hours outside playing.

Another thing the therapist suggested was separating his sister from him.  She is attached at his hip when ever he is around.  I can see why he gets angry at her and hits her.  He wants time away from her.  We were recommended to get Dane into his room and play alone and have Ally do something else, away from her big brother.  Easier said then done is what I was thinking as she told me this.  It's worth a try.

I mentioned how washing his hair is like pulling teeth.  She suggested that it may be the tingling sensation he feels down the back of his neck while shampooing that makes him so restless and irritable.  She thinks that showering him may help stop that sensation.  

Getting the kids in the house and ready for bed Dane had lost a small bell that was in the guinea pig cage.  He freaked out.  Screamed and cried.  He opened up the cage and was digging through their bedding looking for that little bell.  He was a train wreck.  How can something like a small bell turn someone into a basket case?  I don't know.  Until he found that bell did he not feel like a total weight lifted off his shoulders.  I am so glad he found that bell or I would never hear the end of it.