Disrespect / Defiance

Is it too much to ask for a little respect from my kids?  I tell them to do something and I get "Shut Up"  in a under tone voice.  I also get told to "Go Away", "Be Quiet", "Your Naughty" and "Your not my best friend anymore!"

I have also heard some swear words lately.  Dane kept saying the F word over and over before bed.  I told him that is a naughty word and that's not nice to say.  I also told him that it makes daddy sad and that he will get in trouble in school for saying that.  Not to mention I heard him say G*d Da**it when angry.

Yesterday Dane was just waking up from a short nap.  Allyson was playing with one of his tractors.  He ran up behind her and slapped her bare back leaving a hand print.  That was the hardest he has ever hit her.  She did nothing to deserve that.  He got a 5 minute time out for that.

Usually when he got a time out he would go to his room and slam the door.  Then he would lay on the floor and do a bicycle kick shaking the entire house.  He broke the trim off he kicks so hard.  This time out was different.  He stayed in there the entire time and was quiet.  He didn't put up a fight.  I think it clicked that he really did something wrong and knew he deserved this discipline.

When Dane gets tired he is at his worst.  He keeps bugging Ally.  She cries and screams at him.  He is wired up and doesn't listen.  Does he not understand what I am saying?  Is he ignoring me?  He bangs his head on me, on Ally's back, on his knee and on the arm of the couch.  He makes moaning noises and laughs.

My wife has been taking him for a short drive to get him away when he is like that.  I stay home with Ally and she drives him around the park.  It is a big difference when he gets back in the house.  He is calmed down.  I don't know what it is but that short drive settles him down.  Maybe he is so over stimulated that he needs time alone on a quiet drive around town.  I will have to ask the therapist what we can do for stimulating games for him to settle himself down when he is like this.

It's funny though.  Dane has been coming up to me asking for squeezes.  I give him a tight hug and hold him for a minute or two.  I ask how he is and he says he's better.   It has to be sensory related.  He acts naughty but can't help it possibly.  He doesn't answer when we tell him not to be doing something wrong.  He is off in his own world.