Parent/Teacher Conference

I was pretty leery about what was going to be said with Danes teacher.  Are they having troubles with him in class?  Is he keeping up to his peers?  Has he had any meltdowns?  I was worried going at this alone because my wife works the night shift and she sleeps at this time of the day. 

Grandpa came and took the kids while I went to the conference.  To my surprise I got right in and didn't have to wait.  Sweet.  This shouldn't take too long I hope.  I was there for 25 minutes.  I asked a guy I work with who's daughter is in the other class how long his was.  He said 10.  I must have rambled on.  We had a few laughs as well.  I cannot believe what they want kids this young to be learning.  How well they should be reading and tying their shoes by the end of the school year.  All about this "no child left behind" deal.  Even the teacher said that kids learn at different paces.  True, and what of his autism?  Is that affecting him from learning?

It sounds that Dane is doing well in school.  She had concerns that he isn't paying attention but when he's looking away and she calls on him, he answers her.  This was like when he was in pre-K.  During that time Dane had to have a matchbox car with him all the time.  He would spin the wheels while the teacher was talking.  It would appear that he is not paying attention to the teacher.  Also, when asked a question he would answer correctly.  I am thinking because of his auditory processing disorder that he cannot visually watch and listen at the same time.  He needs to be looking away to listen to process what he is being taught.  I think.  How else would he know the answers if he's not paying attention.  This is his way of paying attention.  By looking away.

I told the teacher about forewarning Dane when certain things will happen.  Like the fire drill they had.  He wasn't prepared and the bell scared him.  She said he sat at the table and cupped his ears.  I asked if the fluorescent lights bother him also.  She told me that she usually only has the front row of lights on because of the sunlight that comes in.  As far as him learning she is not concerned that he is lagging.  That was very good news that he is catching up to his peers. 

The teacher mentioned that the therapists from the center where Dane receives his services faxed over his records what they are working on with him.  She couldn't believe this was the same child from what she read.  I am thinking because school is so structured that he has learned to go with the flow.  At home, our structure is bad.  As I said, my wife and I both work full time opposite shifts.  The structure is her way, then my way, then the weekend we are both home with the kids and they don't know who to listen to.  It's hell. 

Structure is very important.  Routine wise.  Break the routine and pay the price.  Dane relies on a set system of his daily activities.  If something is out of sync it drive him over the edge.  Thus, the meltdown.  Tipping over chairs, hitting his sister, banging his head, slamming doors, knocking over books, and so on.  Destroying the house. 

The best way to handle a meltdown or tantrum in other words is to avoid it.  Get to know the child in what sets them off.  That's a bit of the problem.  You may think you have something figured out and then something else arrives that triggers off the emotions.  Keep a log of when and where things out of the ordinary happen.  Piece together and pinpoint the problems.  Work with them and talk to the therapists about what needs to be addressed to.  Work with the child and don't yell.  It never helped with Dane.  He never understood why I would raise my voice.  Before he was diagnosed it seemed like that would make him learn right from wrong.  It didn't.