Big Boys Club

During my son's intensive therapy today we were given advice on how to treat Dane more like a big boy and make him feel needed and appreciated.  The therapist recommended small chores and not to give him a question option of "Would you; Can you?"  Instead we have to get down, put our hands on his shoulders and calmly say to him, "Put on your shoes."  "Pick up your toys." etc...Try to make and hold eye contact as well.  She explained that once a parent masters control, all it takes is a look and the child will know what you want of them and they will stop in their tracks.

The therapist explained that my son is expressing a need for attention.  This can be both positive and negative.  Any form of expression you give either praise or anger gives the child some type of attention that the child wants.  You must remain calm and not accelerate their emotion.  Again, you must get down to their level and explain calmly what you want from the child.

She also gave us some explanation saying that telling Dane that he wants to be a big boy and help out like a big boy.  She called it the Big Boys Club.  She wants us to explain to him that when other kids are getting ready for class what other kids will think when he's not ready.  When he refuses to brush his teeth we have to explain that he doesn't want yellow teeth or cavities.  We have to push into his world and help him to grow up.  Children live in the present and we as parents teach them about yesterday and tomorrow.  We should not dwell on the past or worry about the future.  We need to live and connect with our children in the now. 

Working with a child and helping develop their fine motor skills is a skill a child doesn't loose.  Recently, Dane stopped zipping up his pants and coat.  He says he can't and it usually makes me give in to him and zip up or start for him.  The therapist told us that he's doing that for attention.

Tonight I kept giving him the "Your doing so good; You are a big boy; You are such a great helper."  Compliments.  I'm not sure but I think he could see right through it.  Getting his jacket zipped up didn't seem to take as long.  He said he can't.  I got it latched and said, "Okay, I helped, now you finish."  He zipped up and we spent the next several hours outside playing.

Another thing the therapist suggested was separating his sister from him.  She is attached at his hip when ever he is around.  I can see why he gets angry at her and hits her.  He wants time away from her.  We were recommended to get Dane into his room and play alone and have Ally do something else, away from her big brother.  Easier said then done is what I was thinking as she told me this.  It's worth a try.

I mentioned how washing his hair is like pulling teeth.  She suggested that it may be the tingling sensation he feels down the back of his neck while shampooing that makes him so restless and irritable.  She thinks that showering him may help stop that sensation.  

Getting the kids in the house and ready for bed Dane had lost a small bell that was in the guinea pig cage.  He freaked out.  Screamed and cried.  He opened up the cage and was digging through their bedding looking for that little bell.  He was a train wreck.  How can something like a small bell turn someone into a basket case?  I don't know.  Until he found that bell did he not feel like a total weight lifted off his shoulders.  I am so glad he found that bell or I would never hear the end of it.

Haircuts and Sensitivity

Who would have thought that having children that cutting their hair was like pulling teeth! Metaphorically speaking of course. Literally speaking though, cutting a kid's hair when they are autistic makes them feel like their being tortured.

We have not even tried to take my son to a hair salon because he would freak out most likely. We considered "Fantastic Sams" but we changed our mind quickly after our shopping experience at Walgreens. He threw a fit and didn't want to leave the store. He ran around the aisle and was hard to catch. This was because we wouldn't let him get a new toy. We are trying to teach him that we can't buy him something everywhere we go just so he behaves.

I cut my own hair to save some dollars. In the meantime I have cut my dads and my brothers. I cut my son's just so he doesn't take out his frustration on the person cutting his hair. I don't think they would be able to handle him squirming and screaming that his hair hurts. He cries and tells me "All done!" I keep telling him, "Your doing so well. We can take a short break." One side is done and it looks like crap so I want to finish it. He does get back in the chair and it is painful to watch and clip trying not to hurt him.

I don't understand what hurts him. Is it the pulling of the clippers? I cut slow and the blades are sharp so they glide gently. Is it the buzzing noise of the clippers? Is it too loud for him? Or both? Apparently hair can be as sensitive as biting into a mouthful of frozen ice cream.

Sensory Problems

Some things parents want to watch for in their developing child are sensory issues.  Someone doesn't have to be on the spectrum to have sensory disorders.  The signs are there, you just have to watch for them.

With my son he would cup his ears to block out certain noises and still does. A flushing toilet and blow dryer for example. He would become finicky when we were in noisy and crowded places like the mall or restaurant.

Dane would tantrum over starting the microwave, toaster, dryer, flushing the toilet, flipping the light switch, turning on the ceiling fan.  He is to this day obsessed with pin wheels and fans.

Food is also something with certain textures that some children cannot endure.  I don't think my son had much problem with that area. He wasn't much of a picky eater until recently.

Dane would pull at his shirt neck line because the tag was always scratching at him.  A small drop of water on his shirt would have him take it off.

Speech delay a definite sign.  Dane didn't start talking until he was 4.  He is going to be 6 this November and he is hard to understand at times.

One question that really made me upset was when Birth to 3 would question why I think he is smart.  Do you think Dane is smart?  Of course I did.  It was strange.  He was 2 and a half.  He didn't speak but he knew all the animal noises.  You would ask him what noise this animal made and he would hit the nail on the head.  He wasn't talking but he could count.  One time he counted to 20 with Birth to 3. Is he smart?  Hell yes he is.  It's amazing to see him think outside the box.  Sometimes I think he's way ahead of his time while other children are learning to plant a seed.  Dane will say now that the seed will open and grow into a flower.  Then you can take the flower and put it in Grandma's vase.

I remember during his screening for his speech and he was only using a 2-3 word vocabulary.  The picture of a ball.  I was expecting him to say "ball"  he said "beach ball"  I was shocked!  I didn't think he knew what a beach ball even was.  Crazy.

Danes therapist was playing a sensory game with him with beans out of a bean bag chair.  That is when he told her about the seed sprouting and growing into a flower.  Most children his age are still just playing around with the beans and not thinking about the science behind it.  When kids on the playground are busy playing, he is looking up in the sky figuring out what shapes the clouds look like.  He gets mad when he tries telling me and he's pointing and I don't know what he is pointing at.  Eventually I figure it out.

Disturbing Article

I had just read a small article on the internet about a woman and her service dog along with her autistic children going into a McDonald's restaurant.  The manager of that food chain walked up to the woman in the parking lot and punched her in the face.  This happened in Atlanta.

Apparently the manager became disturbed about the service dog inside the restaurant.  She was charged with battery, assault and disorderly conduct.  Along side, she lost her job.

As if this woman having a disability and has a service dog to accompany her while raising autistic twins isn't hard enough for her.  Did punching her in the face in the parking lot put the icing on the cake?  WTF is wrong with people?

With the Americans with Disabilities Act that woman had her right to bring the dog inside the place.

Now, I could understand if the dog made a big dookie on the floor and she had to clean it up.  I believe the article said that she was off-duty even.  Really?  Your not even on the clock and want to express your discontent for a customer by punching her in front of her kids.  What is this world coming to?