First Big Rides

I am in shock.  Dane went on the rides at the fair and loved them.  Allyson really wanted to go on the ferris wheel.  She is 3.  I rode with her and my wife rode with Dane.  My sister was in the area and we met with her.

On one of the inflated jumping kids areas, Allyson got her skin on her heel peeled back.  My sister took Dane and went on some rides with him while we took Ally back to the car.  We needed to get her some socks or a band aid.  Something to protect that raw mark on her foot.

What are the odds of finding only 1 sock in the car?  It was black and wearing it with sandles it looked like a small cast.  Needless to say now she could walk because it wasn't rubbing against her shoe anymore.

Dane with cousin and aunt

We needed to catch up with my sister and find Dane.  We walked around the fair looking for her and decided we'd catch up with her when the entertainment started.  Ally wanted to go on the ferris wheel again.  We stood in line and there was Dane and my sister and her daughter waving at us.

Dane went on the ferris wheel, scrambler, spinning strawberry ride, hang glider and tilt a whirl while we were catering to Ally.  Those I thought would be intense for him but he had fun.  Later, my mother wanted to go on the tilt a whirl.  We took Dane and his cousin, Mia on the ride.  It was a fast ride and a car that spun a lot!  Dane was shaking and I told him to "Hold On."  He looked at me and said, "Daddy, this is cool!"  I laughed.  I did not expect him to go on these rides.

It is hard to believe he will be in kindergarten this year.  Tonight we met with his teacher.  She seemed nice.  Looking at his class mate list he only has 2 kids he knows from last year.  I wish they could have had him in a class with more kids he knew.  I told him that he will make lots of new friends.  He is happy to be going back to school.  The school system has a good routine and I think that helps Dane adapt better off in the long run.

Instead of Dane having therapy in the morning on Tuesdays and Thursdays he will have it after school.  That will be easier on my wife who works all night in the factory and takes him.  Now, I will have to take him after work and after I pick him up from school.  I just worry how wore out he will be after going to school all day and then having a few hours therapy afterwords.  I am guessing he will sleep for the 40 minute drive there.  By that time he probably won't want to do anything because he will be too tired.  I hope it all goes well.  He has been through a lot the past few years since birth to 3 and intensive therapy.

Dentist Cleaning and Sealants

Dane's 2nd trip to the dentist went well. He needed a teeth cleaning and they added sealants to 4 of his molars. I hope he will never have to sit through cavity drilling again. The sealants should help prevent cavities at least in those areas. The last time he was at the dentist he had 3 cavities drilled.

The first thing the dental hygienist did was put sunglasses on him. Good thing because he's looking strait up at fluorescent lights that scramble his vision. The flickering of the lights could have put him into a sensory over-load and probably would have prompted him into a meltdown.

For the first 5 minutes or so he was doing as told. Something started to scare him or hurt his ears because they have those little screaming instruments inside his mouth. That had to have been hard and hurt his hearing. He started to have tears run down his face. I know he badly wanted to cup his ears but the dentist kept telling him to put his hands down.

The part I didn't like was how fast they tried to work with him. I know when I get my teeth cleaned it's like they can't wait to get me out of that chair and get the next paying patient in. Slow down already! My kid has autism and he's very sensitive. Sure, she kept saying "This doesn't hurt, it's only air." What does she know what hurts him and what doesn't?

The best thing was when it was over and he got his picture taken for the "no cavity club." He's the only kid in there with sunglasses on.

I had my 3 year old daughter in there with me to see what happens at the dentist. She liked that she got a sticker after it was over. Dane got to pick out a couple toys of his own. Nothing that would spin did they have so he picked out 2 bouncy balls.

When we got home he was excited that he got to put his pinwheels into the ground. He must have played and organized them for about an hour.


Tomorrow he has intensive therapy. It will last about 3 hours and my wife will have to take him alone. I will be at work and my father will have to watch my daughter. The therapists don't want his sister there as she will cause distraction.

Some days I have to take family medical leave from work to be at the therapy session when needed. Part of the therapy is family counseling for my wife and I. They recommended that for all parents involved with the therapy. I have no say if I want to or not.  The family counselor has given us very good advice as to how we need to address problems so far.

It would have been different if my daughter was born first and we would have had prior experience parenting.  Parenting an autistic child is a lot to learn and how to deal with how they react to their environment.  Once you get to know what sets them off the better prepared you become once your aware. 

Don't React. Act

Upon discussing with the family counselor we have learned that we say too much.  When the children are misbehaving or we do not like what they are doing we don't act.  We need to give a look of disapproval and if bad behavior is the problem, time out.

Talking and scolding goes no where.  It gives the children negative attention.  Whether attention is good or bad, it is still attention.   We need to put a mark on the brain when learning good from bad.  When bad happens we need to teach the kids that they have done something bad.  Praise is when they do good and compliment how good they were.  Being naughty deserves nothing.  That is why talking doesn't help.  Explaining doesn't work.  Yelling doesn't work.  Say nothing.  After time out, ask what s/he did wrong.  If they shrug their shoulders, tell them what was wrong.

With Danes auditory processing disorder, the counselor explained that while we are 3 sentences into telling him what he did wrong, he's back on the first few words.  I try to cut sentences short so he understands but the counselor is right.  Bad behavior doesn't even deserve explanation.  Soon we should be able to get "the look" as she describes it.  When the children are misbehaving and giving them that look will make them stop in their tracks.  Like a deer in headlights.

Dane had a meltdown the other night because Allyson stepped on his pin wheel.  She barely touched it with her foot.  Dane reacted very emotionally and wanted a new pin wheel.  He kept saying "Ally broke it."  He wanted to go to the store.  He jumped in my vehicle and was pushing down on the pedals to drive.  I have to keep the doors locked on both cars so he doesn't go in anymore.

I explained and kept telling Dane that his pin wheel was fine.  It still spins, it is not broke.  We don't have to go to the store.  On and on I kept telling him.  Nothing worked.  In a meltdown like this the counselor said I wasted my breath.  She said to get him in the house and put him in his room.  I said that he'd scream, kick and hit if I carried him in. In this case, I need to get down behind him and firmly hug him.  Not saying anything as well to get him to come out of that state.

When bad behavior is a problem, we can't just stay sitting on the couch telling the kids not to do what we disapprove of as parents.  We need to get up and make them stop.  That is why my kids have me wrapped around their little fingers at times.  I need to regain control of my household.  It doesn't pay to get excited and yell because that just makes things worse.  Get up and make the kids learn who is in charge.

Transitions

Shopko had a huge clearance and I actually decided to replace our plain jane table.  The table was sturdy and the ends flipped down but I hated the chairs.  Sometimes I'd try to scoot my seat up and the one chair was missing a screw.  I would end up getting my thumb pinched in between the frame and the seat with me sitting on my own hand.  One good reason to replace the chairs at least.

Nine years later I knew I wanted to get a nice decorative table with solid chairs to spice up the dining room.   I didn't think the 5 piece set would come in a big 135 lb. box for complete assembly.  I am not mr. handyman at about anything.  Usually my wife is handy and can read assembly instructions a lot better.  To say in the least, she let this to me.

I let Dane know that we have a new table.  Daddy needs to put it together.  I showed him the flyer of what it will look like when it's finished.  My wife took the kids up north to her dads to drop a box of Ally's smaller cloths to give to her brothers daughter who's a year younger.  It works out decent.  When Ally gets too big we donate the clothes to her cousin.  Most of the clothes we get are from 2nd hand stores or on extreme markdown at the stores.

A few hours later my wife and kids returned from their 2 hour drive.  The very first reaction from Dane turned into a meltdown.  He wanted to take the table apart and help me put it back together.  He went down on his hands and knees crying and started banging his head on the floor.  I had to talk him through it and get him to agree to go outside with me so I could take him for a walk in the wagon around the block.  When we got back he was much more accepting to the transition of the new table.

Anything different needs to be drilled into his head that something is going to change and he needs to be forewarned.  I showed him the flyer and the box of the un-assembled table and chairs.  I told him we have a new table.  If I would have just gotten a new dining set without giving him notice he would have been much worse to regain control over.

feelings

When Dane wants something or to do something, it's NOW!  There in no patience involved.  He doesn't get the fact when someone is busy that he needs to wait a bit.  It is always about him.  He doesn't seem to think of others or how it will affect their feelings.

My wife bought a baby book with pictures to show the feelings of others.  I can see why she bought it.  I don't think he knows or understands facial expressions.  To see and visualize what these people are feeling in the photos helps him to see expression.

The first picture was a happy family.  I had to tell him over and over that this is the kind of family we want.  Happy Family.  Next picture was sad.  I want him to know that we want and need a happy family and not a sad or angry family.  I go on to explain that when he is sad or angry that the whole family is affected.  I hope it sinks in that happy is so much better then angry.  We can do more when everyone is happy.  When the kids don't listen we have to discipline and not go to the store.  Not go outside.  It affects everyone.  Parenting is not as fun as they make it look on television.  Especially when you have one with special needs and needs special attention given to.

I hope with his therapy that he will be able to control his frustration in time.  When he is frustrated, he will storm off and say he's gonna do it, go outside, hit something or break something.  "Daddy, go outside?"  he says.  "No, Dane.  It's raining and windy and cold."  I say.  "Alright!  I'm going outside!"  and he storm off trying to get out.  No is never an answer with him.  Again, it's always what he wants and feels nothing about others.  Even when I say, "Pretty soon."  That's not soon enough and he gets angry and try's to storm out without anyone being ready.  Not even he is ready to go out.  Skip the shoes and coat.  He wants out and he's going with or without me or his shoes and jacket.  Everything has to be done at the drop of a hat.

Confused

I don't think that people see the way my wife and I see our son.  I know that from looking at him that he appears that there can certainly be nothing wrong.  He is a smart and handsome young man from looks.  On the inside is what people don't see and what we deal with.  Behavior wise.  If I were to record and show one of his meltdowns they would be in shock that this is the same boy.

Medical terminology has not given us a term to describe my sons autism.  I am sure that he is high functioning (HF).  He is now using speech to ask and get what he wants.  It is hard to figure out what he is saying at times and he gets frustrated. He is using fine motor skills at school to bead a string into a necklace.  He is starting to ride a bike with training wheels.   He is doing lots of normal little boy stuff.

He does good at early education in school.  They give him sensory breaks every two hours and take him out of class.  He had only had 1 fairly difficult meltdown the year so far.  He seems to be making some friends and getting to socialize better.  He used to shy off to the corner by himself away from everyone and play with his toys.  Nobody else existed in his world.  He has come a long way so far.

However, it seems that no one sees the inside behavior that my wife and I put up with.  My father has seen how his temper can change over something small.  I see it every day.  Everything at home sets him off the wall.  Turning on the microwave, starting the dryer, pushing down the toaster.  Little things all the time.  If he does it first or has the chance that I let him he will be fine.  Then a while later I forget and do something that throws off his routine all hell breaks loose.  He will hit the floor, bang his head, hit the walls, hit his sister, tip over chairs and stomp on the floor with his feet.  That is very aggravating.  That is not normal.  His therapist said something about an audio processing disorder.  This causes him to do the things he does without thinking because their is more hormone in that part of his brain that sets him over the edge.  Fight and Run she also described it as.

At therapy for the time hes there, he cooperates.  At school, he listens.  At home it can be a nightmare.  We have been seeing improvements with his therapy and he holds back from hitting his sister.  In turn he hits himself and bites his hand. Thinking about it now it seems that frustration sets him off a lot.