Children Learn From Homelife

If a child lives with Criticism, they learn to Condemn

If a child lives with Hostility, they learn to Fight

If a child lives with Fear, they learn to be Apprehensive

If a child lives with Pity, they learn to feel sorry for themself

If a child lives with Ridicule, they learn to be Shy

If a child lives with Jealousy, they learn to feel Guilty

If a child lives with Tolerance, they learn to be Patient

If a child lives with Encouragement, they learn to be Confident

If a child lives with Praise, they learn to be Appreciative

If a child lives with Acceptance, they learn to Love

If a child lives with Approval, they learn to Like Themself

If a child lives with Recognition, they learn it's good to Have a Goal

If a child lives with Honesty, they learn what Truth is

If a child lives with Fairness, they learn Justice

If a child lives with Security, they learn to have Faith in themself and those about them

If a child lives with Friendliness, they learn that the world is a nice place to which they live

What's your child living with?

by Dorthy Low Nolte

School Based Services (SBS)

I received a consent form in the mail listing the services Dane receives from the school district.  It said that the school district has been accessing Medicaid reimbursement for medically related services provided for Dane.  The WI Medicaid School Bases Services Benefit offers a way for my local school district to receive federal funds to help pay for IEP special education programs and related services in the IEP.  SBS allows the school district to bill Medicaid with no cost to families.

This program has been available to school districts in WI since 1995 and changes have occurred over that time.  The most recent is that the WI Dept. of Public Instruction notified WI schools of a change in federal law obligating school districts to obtain parent consent prior to accessing Medicaid SBS benefits.  Prior to the change, parents gave consent to the school district to bill Medicaid when parents signed up for the WI Medicaid Assistance Program.  The school system now needs to ask parents directly for written consent.  In this process the school needs to ask for my consent directly but will not result in denial or limitation of community based services provided outside the school district.

I had to cancel the case worker observation for Dane because he had his therapy.  The observation will also be his annual ISP were we tell her how he is acting or if anything new is going on.  Tuesdays are such a rush getting home from work and getting Dane out of school 20 minutes early to make it to his therapy appointments 40 minutes from home.  I have been making it a routine to get McDonalds drive through because he is hungry after school.  I usually waited until after his therapy to get him something to eat but it's fast and its food.  I try not to buy the Happy Meals but when I do get the kids one it really makes them happy.  For Halloween they got a happy meal bucket they can use for trick or treating.  That would have been nice to know they can get something they will actually use.  Allyson calls it her Easter basket.  I keep correcting her but it's funny to hear her call it that.

upper respiratory infection (URI)

For the past couple days Dane has had low grade fever and a cough.  We did not let him go to school if he was showing symptoms of becoming sick.  I guess that is one advantage of my wife and I working opposite shifts so she can stay home with him during the day and pamper him.  The way things are people go to work sick and send their kids to school sick.  Why are things the way they are?  If your sick, stay home!  Stay away from others to prevent the spread of illness.  At my work place, I have to have a doctor excuse for having time off.  Okay, so now I loose a days pay and now have to pay for a doctor visit which will take me two working days to pay off.  What a crock.

My wife called in to work last night and took Dane to the emergency room.  He was lying down getting ready for bed and was gasping for breath.  My wife asked if he had troubles breathing.  He said "Yes."  I wish he would tell us these things but we have to get it out of him by asking.  He doesn't let us know anything is wrong.  If you suspect something is wrong you have to ask and hopefully get an honest answer.

I stayed home with my daughter, Allyson.  During that time I called the hospital and had Dane checked in before they got to the hospital.  Allyson spiked a 101 degree fever and threw up all over her bed.

I didn't really suspect anything wrong with Dane.  I don't go to the doctor unless I am really sick.  Why?  Because the cost of doctor visits are way overpriced.  You know your sick and what you have and you need to have a doctor tell you what you already know.  All because you need a prescription.

It's a good thing Dane went in to the E.R.  This could have turned into pnemonia.  The doctor recommended a warm must humidifier.  Money well spent.  It works a lot better than that vaporizer we have.  I think I got more steam off a hot cup of coffee than over that pile of junk.

Lip Biting

This is something new.  Either Dane is licking his lips and chewing on his bottom lip or he may be biting his bottom lip very hard when he gets mad.  He has a sore mark under his bottom lip from his top teeth chomping down.  I have seen him suck in his bottom lip and give a little bite.  He is doing it more lately.  When he's frustrated he growls and bites down hard.  I tell him about the sore mark he's leaving and wants to look in the mirror.  Now, when I tell him "No" he bites down on purpose. 

We needed to get some supplys from Wal-Mart and we were'nt ready to go.  He jumped over the seat, started biting down on his lip and hitting the window.  After he settled down and got into his seat he buckeled his seat belt by himself.  I tell him what a big boy he's getting to be and that he did very good buckling his seat belt all by himself.  Praise the good things he does and try to blow off the naughtyness.  Negative behavior and negative attitude at him makes things worse.  Redirection is the key.  It's hard but bad behavior needs to be reinforced with a positive attitude. 

Explanation in slow, short phrases help when he wonders about something.  I do not want him to go on the road by himself.  He will try to run out with his dump truck and stay to the side of the road.  He has plenty of driveway and yard to play in.  I think he's pushing his boundaries with me.  He knows it is wrong and yet he does it.  I tell him, "Danger, no road!"  He looks at me confused and says, "Cars go on road?  Cars can hit me?"  I say, "Yeah.  And that's bad."  "Oh."  Dane says.  Does he understand?  I think so but he's pushing the limit or its in one ear and out the other.

Dane has been asking about a watch with hands on it.  One of his friends at school must have one.  We let him pick one out at the store and that made him happy.  I bought him a cheap set of legos with Lightning McQueen from Disneys "Cars."  I helped him put it together by showing him where the pieces went and him pushing them into place.

At grandpas Dane is always scooping up caterpillars, worms and toads.  Tonight, as I am writing this, he brought in a dead baby grass snake.  Yuck.  I thought it was a worm and he knew it was a snake.  I had to double glance and look for myself.  I have never seen a grass snake ever around here.  I told him to wash his hands and he flushed it down the toilet.  For some reason he is getting his obsession flushing the toilet again.  Same with him lining up toys and pinwheels.  I need to redirect these stims or they will take control over him again.

Different

My wife was dropping Dane off at his Kindergarten class today.  She usually stands by his hook to hang his coat and change into his gym shoes.  We need to stand back and let him do it himself.  Other kids his age dress and undress themselves.  Dane needs to learn this and be more independent.  He needs help buttoning and zipping up his coat and pants.  If he can't do it after a few tries then we help him. He has problems with his fine motor skills.

Dawn led Dane into his class and was listening in on a conversation he was having with the other children.  Dane said that when he gets big that he will ride bike to school.  One of the boys at the table looked at my wife and told her, "I don't know why he talks like that.  He always does."  My wife responded, "Because he's awesome!"  The other kids seem to really like Dane.

I talk to my wife on the phone on break at work to see how things are going.  When she told me about the boy's comment he made about my son it made me think.  I thought that other kids are starting to notice that he's different from the others.  It also scared me a bit to think that the other kids might gang up on him and pick on him.  Dawn assured me that the other kids really like Dane.  I hope that these kids back him up also if there is trouble down the road.

Lining Things Up

Dane seems to be making a couple friends.  His Occupational Therapist asked my wife if his therapists for his autism services can give a detailed list of what they are working on with him.  I will have to bring that up when I take him in Tuesday after school.  She also recommended having a IEP meeting set up sooner than previously set.  That is to get on the same page of how he is responding at home and what his therapists are currently working on with him.

I went to Grandpa's house to finally bring back the kids power wheels.  This will probably be one of the last warmest weeks of the year. 

My wife bought a couple solar lights to use on our walkway.  I set them up the other night.  One was somewhat charged and lit.  The other did not come on.  Dane went outside trying to get the one to light up.  He wouldn't stop until I told him that we would have to put it in the sun to charge up the battery.  Then he was like, "Battery's dead?"  I said "Yeah."

Tonight I thought the kids could play outside being such a nice day and all.  Dane took all the solar lights and lined them up on the walkway.  He has been lining up matchbox cars and saucer lids since he was very little.  I thought this may be a nice change to our house and let him do it.  In a couple months all the outside landscaping things need to get put away.  It is funny and weird how strait and organized he puts things.  If one thing goes out of order he goes crazy until it is replaced.  It sets off his routine when something is out of place.  I would be able to move the lights back but I would have to tell him several times that I am putting them back.  I would also have to show him which light will go where or he may go into a meltdown.

Danes collection of pin wheels has decreased by 3 also.  He had about 10 lined up outside our back door.  No matter how ugly and worn they were he had to have them in place.  I took the bad ones and told them they were junk and we should throw them out.  He was fine with that but I think that he thinks that we will replace them.  Maybe I will or not..I dunno.

Spinning sandbox toys, pinwheels and matchbox cars have been Dane ultimate favorites for toys.  I'd like to get him involved in video games but he shows no interest.  I put the PS1 in his room tonight.  He showed interest for about 2 minutes and wanted to go outside.  Allyson came in and started to play Spyro and Crash Bandicoot.  I went to check on Dane and he was spinning his pin wheels on the back step.  Maybe tomorrow he will show more interest because it's in his room.


Both kids are finally starting to sleep in their own beds all night.  Allyson has a little tv in her room and that gives me time to get Dane settled into bed.  Dane has his guinea pig, Wubbzy, in his room.  He has a nite light and a lamp also.  He is staring to show that he is scared of the dark.  He used to stay wide awake and not tell us hes scared.  I ask him if he wants his lamp on or if the nite light is good enough.  Sometimes he will say to leave the door open also.  The little space heater has helped keep him in his room at night also.  The calming white noise and soft heat puts him into a deeper sleep.  I am starting to think he sleep walks. 

Solutions

I talk to Danes teacher nearly every day after school is over.  He is off to a good start and working on what kind of sensory breaks he should have and how often.  To help him be less figgity in his seat he sits on a bumpy air cushion.  My wife asked Dane what that was for and he says, "I put my butt on it."  He is funny that way.  The teacher also has a wedge for him to write on to keep his forearm flat.  When he writes he picks up his arm up and writes like he has a claw hand.  His name writing has become a lot better and clearer and he is so proud of himself.

We had our first frost and Danes teacher asked my 3 year old daughter, Ally, if she likes snow.  Ally is so funny.  She says, "Yes, I like to eat snow.  But not the yellow snow.  That's pee."  The teacher burst out laughing.  Hell, even for me not there and my wife telling me this I almost dropped my phone at work laughing.

My wife and I try to communicate as much as we can.  It helps knowing what each other is thinking and what the kids are doing.  We had a very scary August where we thought our marriage was failing.  It was.  We didn't talk much.  We work opposite shift.  We were growing apart.  The divorce rate is some 80% of those with a child with special needs.  It however was a wake up call for us to start getting along and stop fighting over little stuff.

I have seen a big difference with the kids attitudes towards each other and us.  There was always so much tension and unnesessary drama going on.  Showing my wife more affection and her to me has brought my family closer.  We have been so busy working and angry because of all the stress that we have lost our ground.  We realize now that we still a family and need to work on something to fix it.  Getting my wife off night shift to start.

With work, Danes therapy and schooling, bills, not seeing each other all added up.  We felt like two single parents doing the best to raise our kids.  Life isn't easy but there is always a solution.  Nothing comes easy and it takes hard work and discipline to get results.

6 years old

Happy Birthday Dane!  6 years ago today I became a father.  I remember on the day he was born I got a call at work.  Dawn's in labor.  It was snowing outside and I listened to Green Day, "Warning" on the way to the hospital.  Her water broke after she carried two 12 packs of soda and started shoveling the walkway.

I remember holding my wifes legs together as they gave her the epideral.  I remember her calling the front desk on her cell phone and said, "Hi, this is Dawn and I just threw up."  Her call light wasn't working.  She puked into her ice water cup.  What she drank she filled back up.  That was kinda gross.  I don't think we kept that cup for memories of this day.

I was sitting in the back of the room watching Animal House on the TV.  She's giving birth and I'm watching John Belushi yell, "TOGA!  TOGA!  Dawns nurse was 6 months pregnat and asked her how she could be doing this.  The nurse laughed and said, "I don't know, Dawn."  Dawn then said she should have gotten a puppy instead. 

Dane was born and they wanted me to cut the cord.  I shook my head no.  He was blue and not breathing.  They sucked him out and put him under the oxygen.  I'm glad I stayed back or I could have complicated things worse with him.

I didn't know what to get Dane for his birthday this year.  I know he has a scientific mind and wants to know how and why things are the way they are.  He is afraid of tornados and storms.  I got him a Discovery Kids Tornado.  I also got him a marble run and a Discovery Kids alarm clock that projects the solar system on the ceiling.  I didn't give him the kids laptop I bought at the consignment shop yet.  Eveything was half off and I had a 10 dollar off coupon so that was nice or I dont think he would have got much.

I let him pick out his cake.  I thought he'd get the Cars cake with Mader and Lightning McQueen but he chose the fish one.  I got him some candles and a big number 6 to put on the cake.  He got out of school early today.  He was the class leader and took his rain stick for show and tell.  I also got him 2 packages of cookies to share with his class.  A little hispanic girl seems to have a crush on Dane.  That is so cute.

I have to work Saturday so Dane and Ally will spend the night with their grandparents so I don't have to drag them out of bed at 5 AM.  Dawn will get home and get a little bit of sleep before I get home and then hopefully we can take the kids shopping or something.  Another 4 weeks Ally turns 4.  If it wasn't for Danes little sister I don't think he'd be able to talk as well as he does now.

Dogs

I do not like dogs around my kids, especially big dogs.  Today was my nephews 10th birthday.  The carnival was is town so I took him, his cousin and his sister to town to ride the gravitron ride.  That ride rocks!  I haven't ridden it since I was in the 7th grade.  I haven't seen that ride since until this year.  Awesome.

I wanted someone to go on the ufo gravitron ride with.  I chose my oldest nephew to go with.  Afterwords we went on the zipper.  I will never go on the zipper again.  The operator ran it way too fast the whole time.  That is the worst experience I ever had on that ride.  My nephew was falling under the bar that goes on your lap.  He was yelling to "Stop!"  After I looked and seen what was going on, I yelled at the operator to stop.  He didn't.  He put it in reverse and went the other way which the ride does.  I didn't think it would stop.  He beat the crap out of us.  My wrist and forearms are still sore today from holding on.

My nephew liked the gravitron a lot so he bragged to his 2 cousins how awesome it was.  I took them to town and we rode it.  They had a blast.  I bought my niece a dream catcher because she wanted one.  She has bad nightmares and wanted it.  For 4 bucks I thought I'd get it for her.  The 2 boys were begging me to buy them a knife from the vendor.  I told them that I paid for their ride and brought them to town.  I went up to my old bedroom where I found an old switchblade comb to give to the birthday boy who wanted a knife.  That made him happy.

Later that day we had a lot of the family over.  The golden retriever was nearby and all the kids were running around not doing anything to disturb the dog.  I was on the other side of my truck when I heard loud barking and growling.  I thought the dog was attacking the toy poodle my parents have.  Then I heard screaming.  That dog got my 5 year old nephew by his arm and threw him to the ground.  He had puncture marks on his arm and was very frightened.

I don't know what got into that dog.  It has been a hot and muggy day and maybe the heat got to it.  I don't know and that's not an excuse for an attack on a child.  It scared Dane so bad as to think all dogs are bad.  We had to sit him down because he was shook up and explain to him that not all dogs are bad but this one was very naughty.

I don't care if a person is a dog lover and loves their dog but if that dog attacks, the owner better do something about it.  Either leave that damn dog at home or tie it up.  Keep it away from kids.  What would happen if that dog would have took its agitation out on another child who wasn't family?  I can guess a couple options that would happen.  

I don't want my kids near dogs especially after something like this happened.  I hate it living in town with all the neighbors walking their dogs and my kids wanting to pet them and running to the road.

You never know when a dog will get a chip on its shoulder so parents and owners better be aware of what could happen.  I am thankful that my nephew got it on his arm and not his face.  Either way, it shouldn't have happened but it did happen.  That dog is not allowed near my kids anymore.

After things settled down and the dog was taken back home my brother in law shot off fireworks he needed to get rid of.  That was a nice way to end the night.  It would have been a perfect day if that dog wouldn't have done that.

Marriage Counseling

Statistics of parents being divorced of a child with autism is 80 percent.  I didn't think my marriage was walking on thin ice.  I thought my wife and I were doing what we had to do until the kids get older.  I knew things sucked with the way things are.  Us working opposite shifts, taking Dane to his intensive autism therapy, working full time to make ends meet, kids fighting, stress from life.  It added up.

Everything is out of what we didn't like from each other.  We have grown apart and I didn't see it.  Our problems have brought us closer now then we have been since we've had kids.  Now we need to address our situation and figure out something to be happy again. 

We bickered a lot.  Even though we weren't yelling I think the kids could sense the tension between us.  They would fight all the time and talk back to us.  They never listened to us.  We lived like roommates and were raising our 2 kids like single parents.  When I am at work, they listen to her.  When I have the kids they, somewhat, listen to me.  When we are together they didn't know who to listen to and made their own rules.  My kids have (had) my wife and I wrapped around their little fingers.  Stick to your guns.  No means no.  Eventually, progress comes when they stop getting what they want all the time.

Ignore the tantrums.  I know it is very hard but it pays off.  Bite your lip and turn the other cheek.  They soon realize that you mean it.  No means no.  A lot of my issues with my kids was I was always saying no but not acting on it.  I'd say "no" and they'd do it anyway.  I didn't do much to stop them.  I just let them do it.  Now, I've had enough disrespect from my own kids and now they are starting to listen.  Get on your feet and take action.  Make your kids listen to you.  Do not react and get all angry and frustrated.  Act.  Stay stern and show your kids you mean it.  "NO."   They will learn to listen but it will take a little time to get it in their little minds that you are serious.

Issues & Injury

Yesterday I talked to Danes teacher who said he got a time out for throwing wood chips at other kids.  He came back into the school crying and hitting the wall.  I asked him if anything happened in school and he did tell me he got into trouble.  I told his teacher that this is the behavior issues we have with him at home.  If we tell him "no" he throws an attitude.  He hits us, himself, the wall, throws, knocks over...uncontrollable!

Today he must have been upset from the incident still.  He was a handful for my wife to keep him calm.  I called home from work to see how things were going.  She said she kept him home from school.  When they got home to get ready to take Dane to school he started banging his head on the floor.  He got a big bump on his head.  He also gave himself a nosebleed from hitting his head.  I sat in my car at work just shaking my head wondering what we're going to do about this behavior.

I got him this ball called "perplexus."  I thought he'd like it.  It's like a little marble you roll around these obstacles from start to finish.  He likes it but he gets mad at it.  He got upset at something and started hitting himself with the ball.  He put a dent in it so I had to take a screw and pull out the dent.

When Grandpa came over to visit we took my vehicle to put air into the tire because the low tire pressure light was on.  Since I was putting air into my tire I thought I'd pump up the kids hopper balls. When we got home Dane didn't like how hard the ball was so he started hurting his teeth and pulled out the plug.  I let some air out and he was fine.  His attitude and behavior really has me concerned.

He swears, hits and has unbelievable outbursts lately.  I am thinking were are getting to the point of having in home services to work with him instead of driving him to a clinic.  I thought those services were doing well with him but now I think we need to change our plan of action.

Dane really thinks and asks questions that makes my jaw drop.  He asked me how many rocks there are in space.  "4?" he asks.  I said, "Well, the moon is one big rock and the stars are all rocks that are on fire."  He then asks why they are on fire. 

Therapy Plus School

With Dane now in Kindergarten, his routine of therapy on Tuesdays and Thursdays for 3 hours have been set off.  He will now have his autism therapy 1 day a week for one hour after school.  I hope that this isn't too hard on the little guy.

I have to get up at 4:50 in morning and get ready for work.  I need to be out the door by 5:40.  In that time I have to get ready, eat a quick breakfast if I'm lucky, get the kids ready and get out the door to meet my wife in the parking lot at work.  We exchange a few words.  She gives me the keys.  I say goodbye to my family and go to work for the day.

Usually my wife would have to work all night and then take Dane to therapy.  She has been so exhausted from working all night and then driving home, changing and then driving 40 minutes to get to Dane's therapy session.  For the next few hours she needed to wait or go window shopping just to stay awake.  A mountain dew or McDonalds cafe' usually perked her up just enough to get her back home and crash.

Along side the stress of raising the kids and working separate shifts has taken a tole on our marriage.  We bickered a lot causing tension in the house.  The kids could sense it.  We felt like we were growing apart.  We realized there was a problem and got it all out on the table of our issues.  The biggest one of getting my wife off of the night shift and to go part-time.  Now to assess the situation and work on our budget.

Problem Solving

Dane is a problem solver.  At his grandparents house he and his sister were playing with one of grandma's penny banks.  It reminds me of that game "Plinko" on "The Price is Right."  Grandma told the kids to only put penny's down the slot.  What do you know, one of the kids took a quarter and got it stuck in the thing.  Grandma raised her voice a little because her friend who died made the bank many years ago.  Dane stormed off and said that he was going to hurt himself.  He started biting the door frame.  What does a parent do when their child has these behavior issues?  The counselors tell me to ignore that and I do but it really bothers me.

After he calmed down Grandpa and Grandma had hooks going down into the bank to push the quarter over to fall down the slot.  Dane looked at the sides and said, "Grandpa, these sides are bigger and it will fit."  Sure enough, Grandpa pushed the quarter over and tipped the bank on the side and the quarter came out.  Everyone laughed in shock how he figured that out by looking at it. 

Patience

Dane has little to no patience.  When he has it in his head that he wants something or go somewhere he yells at me, "Now!"  This happens right when I get home from work.  I only ask that I eat and take a quick shower before we do anything together. 

Today, Dane wanted to go to Grandpa's, as usual.  "Now Daddy!"  I tell him that we would leave soon.  Soon isn't soon enough.  He wants to go, now!  He grrs, clenches his fists, stomps his feet and then says, "Fine, I'm going!"  I try to hurry and get dressed and he's out the door and in my vehicle.  He adjusted the rearview mirror and got fingerprints all over it.  He had the dome lights on and was sitting in the back seat.  He was more then ready to leave.  With or without me.  But he has a problem.  I am his ride.  If he's going anywhere, its through me to decide.  I don't like being yelled at and told to "Shut up" whenever I tell him to do something.  Then he grumbles and say's that I'm naughty.  When I turn around and say that he's naughty he rolls up into a ball and cries.

So here I am at my dads venting out on this blog my frustration while he watches the kids for a bit while I write this.  I work all day and am very tired and just want to sit down.

The neighbors dog, Spud shows up here all the time.  He's a cute Jack Russel and looks like that dog from the tv series, Frasier.  Dane just adores that dog and says its his dog.  I don't mind the dog coming to visit but my problem is when it runs across the road, Dane wants to follow.  Dane gets on the edge of the driveway and waits for that dog to come back.  He isn't on the road and I keep telling him to get back.  He's too close to the road.  Finally Spud comes back and he chases it around the yard.

In writing this, Ally, my daughter comes in and said that Dane peed on her.  Great, now I have to explain or have Danes therapist, Katie draw him a picture showing him that it is not polite to pee on others.  The last story she drew was about him not spitting on others.  Dane was spitting on Ally, chewing up his food and then spitting it out on her plate and laughing histaricly.  That's bad behavior and needs to be disciplined.  A time out is an order.  Dane is so tall and strong and I try to keep him in the chair and look disappointed at him like our family counceler told us to do.  Bad behavior needs no attention drawn to it.  She told us to use the words, "You Will Not!"  and not over explain because he's not listening anyway.

mind games

When I want Dane to do something and I tell him to do it he responds differently.  I do not know if he is not listening, doesn't hear me, doesn't understand, not paying attention or completely ignoring me.  It gets very frustrating.  I am tired of telling him over and over.  It has to be his auditory processing disorder part of his autism.

When I tell his sister to do something she stands there and shakes her head "no."  Then comes times where she has something she shouldn't have.  She had a marker in her hand this morning and was walking around the house with it.  I wanted to take it from her and she ran off with it.  She got to her room and dropped it and slammed the door.  I picked up the marker to put it up so she can't get to them.  She came back out and screamed she wanted to color.

Last night at Grandpas the kids got out the garden hose.  Dane was soaked to the bone spraying himself.  He ran away from me when I wanted to get him back into dry clothes.  Eventually he came up to my dad and wanted to be changed.  About 10 minutes later he came back full of mud from playing in the wet grass they sprayed with the hose.

Ally came up to me and said that Dane put dirt down her pants.  I looked and her underwear was full of dirt.  She was filthy!  I made her go in the house and take bath.  I had to sweep up the mess after she got undressed.  It was a lot of dirt.   After Ally got out of the tub, Dane wanted a bath.  Of course he had to have his sandbox toy he calls, "Spinner."  That seems like the only toy that brings him joy.  He sleeps with it even.

My basement is a mess.  Not only do they drag toys all over the house and make me pick up constantly after them.  They got into the guinea pig bedding and threw it down the stairs and all over the basement floor.  We have a social story to pick up toys I will have to use with Dane.  We have had success with the no hitting social story.  Instead of hitting Ally he growls, clenches his fists and yells, "I'm mad at you!"

Triggered Emotion

Tonight I had to work a bit late because there was no production at the plant on 2nd shift.  I had to get everything put away and finish up as fast as possible.  I do not wish to work any overtime.  8 hours is enough working in the factory.  Get to work, do the job and get the hell out.  Done and done. 

It seemed like a long drive home after work.  Maybe it felt like that to prepare what was coming when I got home.  I pulled into the driveway and my wife was putting the kids into the other vehicle.  Dane is a basket case. "The house is trashed."  Says my wife.  "We're going to your dads."

The kids are loaded into my vehicle and Dane gets more upset that he's not in the black vehicle.  We get them out and I get down on my knees and ask Dane if he needs squeezes.  He says "Yes."  I rub his back and give him tight hugs and press down on his shoulders.  I tell him that he will get through it.  It seemed to help.  I don't know what it is other then it's the sensory input he needs to calm down.

Lately Dane has been having some pretty unbelievable meltdowns.  The last one was over the weekend when we went to visit my sister.  Grandpa and my sister left to go to the store.  Dane didn't notice they left, until they got back.  Then it started.  He wanted to go to the store.  He stormed off and down the road.  He has no idea where we are.  We start off after him and he is far ahead of us.  I run to catch him.

Finally we catch up to him and try to turn him around to walk back to the house.  He screams bloody murder and that he's not going back.  He wants to go to the store.  He runs ahead of us back to the house and then curls up into a ball on the ditchline.  I try to pick him up but he screams and kicks at me.  He notices his cousin, Alex, back at the house and runs back meet him.  What just happened?

I ask my wife later tonight, "What set him off?"  She says, "Nothing."  I say, "Something had to set him off?"  She said he woke up from his nap and wet himself in his sleep.  "There ya go."  Normally we have to put a pull up on him when he naps and when he sleeps at night to prevent an accident.  On that note, either wake him up earlier from his nap or let him sleep longer but don't forget to put training pants on him.  He's fully potty trained except for cleaning himself and wetting when in a deep sleep.  If I happen to wake up in the night I try to drag him to the bathroom to release and he usually will wake up dry.

The sad part about all of this emotion is that Dane wants to be normal but he just can't control this part of himself.  I remember asking him what was wrong during this episode and he said that he didn't know.  He's so upset, over nothing, and can't calm himself down.  It hurts me to see him like that.  One minute he's happy and playful.  Next, he's a train wreck with emotions and can't control himself.  It's like walking on eggshells with him.

Fine Motor Skills & Gross Motor Skills

A topic brought up at Danes therapy was how his fine and gross motor skills are.  We have noticed a decline in his fine motor skills.  He is having trouble zipping up his coat and putting on his shoes.  When he writes he doesn't hold the crayon correctly and struggles to write his name and draw shapes.  He did okay cutting with a scissors in a strait line.  Towards the end he just ripped the rest of the way off.

As far as his gross motor skills, he is doing very well.  He can run strait and climb.  The therapist asked if he was ever clumsy or had trouble with balance.  I told her that Dane recently has been able to ride his bike without training wheels.  He has very good balance and he is fast.  Too fast and he's hard to catch and keep up with.

Dane is a very good problem solver.  He loves it outside and always tries to get out of the house.  I tell him to wait and he gets upset and storms off outside when told "Not yet."  I don't like it that he gets up early in the morning and right away want's outside.  I say that we can go out at 11:00 and it's only 7:00.

Dane is capable of telling time by the numbers and understands the little hand on clocks.  He pushed a chair up to the battery operated clock on the wall, took it down and turned the small hand to 11.  Funny and smart thinking but that's not how it works I told him.  Turing the clock ahead 4 hours doesn't make it 4 hours later. Whether he understands that or not that was very interesting (and funny) that he did that.

The therapist recommended getting Dane some small legos to build with to work on his fine motor skills.  Usually in school they let the kids put beads on strings to make bracelets and necklaces for that type of skill.  Stacking blocks is also a good tool for learning hand-eye coordination.

At the end of the day the therapist suggested that we set the timer for about 5-7 minutes and make it a game to pick up the house.  During that time the kids and the parents do as much as they can in that time until the timer goes off.  Afterwords is supposed to be a celebration that they were good helpers and to treat them with some type of reward.  We're supposed to give them high 5's  and really soak it up on how helpful they are.  That's actually a good point because the kids are old enough now where they need to help out more.  It's always "You do it."  I'm tired of the kids making me pick up their mess.  It's time for the foot to come down and make them clean up after themselves.

Parent/Teacher Conference

I was pretty leery about what was going to be said with Danes teacher.  Are they having troubles with him in class?  Is he keeping up to his peers?  Has he had any meltdowns?  I was worried going at this alone because my wife works the night shift and she sleeps at this time of the day. 

Grandpa came and took the kids while I went to the conference.  To my surprise I got right in and didn't have to wait.  Sweet.  This shouldn't take too long I hope.  I was there for 25 minutes.  I asked a guy I work with who's daughter is in the other class how long his was.  He said 10.  I must have rambled on.  We had a few laughs as well.  I cannot believe what they want kids this young to be learning.  How well they should be reading and tying their shoes by the end of the school year.  All about this "no child left behind" deal.  Even the teacher said that kids learn at different paces.  True, and what of his autism?  Is that affecting him from learning?

It sounds that Dane is doing well in school.  She had concerns that he isn't paying attention but when he's looking away and she calls on him, he answers her.  This was like when he was in pre-K.  During that time Dane had to have a matchbox car with him all the time.  He would spin the wheels while the teacher was talking.  It would appear that he is not paying attention to the teacher.  Also, when asked a question he would answer correctly.  I am thinking because of his auditory processing disorder that he cannot visually watch and listen at the same time.  He needs to be looking away to listen to process what he is being taught.  I think.  How else would he know the answers if he's not paying attention.  This is his way of paying attention.  By looking away.

I told the teacher about forewarning Dane when certain things will happen.  Like the fire drill they had.  He wasn't prepared and the bell scared him.  She said he sat at the table and cupped his ears.  I asked if the fluorescent lights bother him also.  She told me that she usually only has the front row of lights on because of the sunlight that comes in.  As far as him learning she is not concerned that he is lagging.  That was very good news that he is catching up to his peers. 

The teacher mentioned that the therapists from the center where Dane receives his services faxed over his records what they are working on with him.  She couldn't believe this was the same child from what she read.  I am thinking because school is so structured that he has learned to go with the flow.  At home, our structure is bad.  As I said, my wife and I both work full time opposite shifts.  The structure is her way, then my way, then the weekend we are both home with the kids and they don't know who to listen to.  It's hell. 

Structure is very important.  Routine wise.  Break the routine and pay the price.  Dane relies on a set system of his daily activities.  If something is out of sync it drive him over the edge.  Thus, the meltdown.  Tipping over chairs, hitting his sister, banging his head, slamming doors, knocking over books, and so on.  Destroying the house. 

The best way to handle a meltdown or tantrum in other words is to avoid it.  Get to know the child in what sets them off.  That's a bit of the problem.  You may think you have something figured out and then something else arrives that triggers off the emotions.  Keep a log of when and where things out of the ordinary happen.  Piece together and pinpoint the problems.  Work with them and talk to the therapists about what needs to be addressed to.  Work with the child and don't yell.  It never helped with Dane.  He never understood why I would raise my voice.  Before he was diagnosed it seemed like that would make him learn right from wrong.  It didn't.

Moaning Noises

It was a fairly decent day and I went to pick up Dane from school.  He was happy and ready to go home.  One of the teachers was standing off in the distance with a radio controlled miniature school bus.  He was talking into a headset microphone and the words would come through the bus and talk to the kids.  The bus also sprayed water at the children.  They loved it.  The bus reminded me of Thomas the Tank Engine.

Things are getting slow around work because of high gas prices and the economy.  Every 3rd Thursday I am expected to go to Danes intensive therapy to observe and talk with the counselors.  I am approved for Family Medical Leave for those days.  I am not sure if many employers approve FML for autism services.  These days are unpaid.  Work also has been having plant shutdown for lack of work for the past several Fridays.

The main topic today at therapy was Danes noises and moaning he makes.  He curls his tongue and makes weird loud noises constantly.  We have to pay close attention to one of the noises in which he is unresponsive and is staring off.  That is a sign of a seizure and we need to document that with video footage.  She wants to know what he looks like before, during and after the episode. The counselor is concerned that she is referring us to a Neurologist for an brain scan to see what triggers the seizure.

Other noises he makes I think are normal.  When he drives his little cars around, he makes motor boat noises with his tongue.  Another noise he makes is when he is active.  He curls his tongue and makes loud Luuu noise.  Those can be redirected. We tell him to stop and he answers and then continues to do it.  On the other hand, his moaning and lip biting and staring off and doesn't answer when spoken to is the one we need to really watch.  That is the concerning noise we need to document.  I haven't been documenting anything video wise with his unusual behaviors.  I really think that it is time to start a separate taping of these instances that we are trying to figure him out with and learn more about his stims.

Sleepy

With Dane going to his therapy treatment after school he falls asleep on the 40 minute drive to his session.  It's not hard to see why.  He wakes up at 5:30 in the morning and goes to work with me for a 20 minute drive.  There, I meet up with his mother and exchange a few words.  She hands me the keys to her vehicle which I bring home and she leaves for home.  Unless Dane and his sister fall back asleep, he is awake from that time all the way past 4 p.m.  His therapy starts at 4 and he is very groggy waking back up from the quick cat nap.  By that time he is not interested in his therapy because he is too tired.

The counselors have a hard time understanding why he is so tired out at 4 o'clock.  I keep telling them, "My wife works nights and I get the kids up and exchange them in the parking lot with her."  They work well with him but they have no idea how hard our life style is making ends meet to raise our kids.  They think that it will be so much easier for one of us to work part time.  I agree to that aspect, but lets face reality here.  Easier said then done.  There are bills to pay and making any less income will add to our stress levels.

Before school started, Dane had therapy in the morning from 8-11.  There he was more alert and cooperative.  Now, he's in school all day and then therapy for a couple hours afterwords during the week.  That makes for a long day for the little guy.  Cut him and me some slack here.  I work all day and then drive him there and he goes to school and has to try and concentrate what they are working on with him.

Disrespect / Defiance

Is it too much to ask for a little respect from my kids?  I tell them to do something and I get "Shut Up"  in a under tone voice.  I also get told to "Go Away", "Be Quiet", "Your Naughty" and "Your not my best friend anymore!"

I have also heard some swear words lately.  Dane kept saying the F word over and over before bed.  I told him that is a naughty word and that's not nice to say.  I also told him that it makes daddy sad and that he will get in trouble in school for saying that.  Not to mention I heard him say G*d Da**it when angry.

Yesterday Dane was just waking up from a short nap.  Allyson was playing with one of his tractors.  He ran up behind her and slapped her bare back leaving a hand print.  That was the hardest he has ever hit her.  She did nothing to deserve that.  He got a 5 minute time out for that.

Usually when he got a time out he would go to his room and slam the door.  Then he would lay on the floor and do a bicycle kick shaking the entire house.  He broke the trim off he kicks so hard.  This time out was different.  He stayed in there the entire time and was quiet.  He didn't put up a fight.  I think it clicked that he really did something wrong and knew he deserved this discipline.

When Dane gets tired he is at his worst.  He keeps bugging Ally.  She cries and screams at him.  He is wired up and doesn't listen.  Does he not understand what I am saying?  Is he ignoring me?  He bangs his head on me, on Ally's back, on his knee and on the arm of the couch.  He makes moaning noises and laughs.

My wife has been taking him for a short drive to get him away when he is like that.  I stay home with Ally and she drives him around the park.  It is a big difference when he gets back in the house.  He is calmed down.  I don't know what it is but that short drive settles him down.  Maybe he is so over stimulated that he needs time alone on a quiet drive around town.  I will have to ask the therapist what we can do for stimulating games for him to settle himself down when he is like this.

It's funny though.  Dane has been coming up to me asking for squeezes.  I give him a tight hug and hold him for a minute or two.  I ask how he is and he says he's better.   It has to be sensory related.  He acts naughty but can't help it possibly.  He doesn't answer when we tell him not to be doing something wrong.  He is off in his own world.

Sharing

My 2 nephews came home with my mother from a rock and fossil exhibit.  Dane was excited and wanted to see their rocks.  One of my nephews is stubborn and didn't even want Dane to see the rocks.  Dane got upset because he felt left out.  He was left out and that is wrong what those boys did.  My older nephew said that they were his rocks.  I'm thinking, your 10 and he's 5.  Show him the damn rocks already.  

My other nephew gave my wife a polished red rock, in turn, gave to my son.  He felt happy and included and had something to talk to my dad about.  Why couldn't my one nephew, who is old enough, just let him look and the rocks.  Is that so much to ask?

I'm actually proud of my younger nephew for standing up to his brother.  He told him that he didn't even buy the rocks, Grandma did!  Later on, he gave Dane a few more of his rocks.  Sure, their polished and look really nice.  These rocks are going to be put somewhere around the house and forgotten about more likely.  I'll probably put them in the fountain my wife bought so that will put them to some use.

I was thinking, okay my nephew is 10 and doesn't want to include on his young cousin, my son, his precious rocks.  Dane knows how to share at least.  What's his excuse?  Makes me feel like a proud father that I'm teaching my son not to be greedy and share with others.  Sure, at times he yells and tries to hit his sister.  That's mostly because she takes things away from him.  That's mostly normal childhood behavior I think.

If Dane gets something he will will usually bring more then 1 and give something to his little sister, or me.  That's pretty impressive how he has manners.  I am teaching him to say please and thank you.  Some times Dane and his little sister, Ally, will say "Now, daddy!"  I don't like that.  I make them say please in a respectful tone before I do anything for them.  I know their a bit spoiled but I demand their respect as well.

writing name & understanding emotions

Danes therapist that he sees 3 hours twice a week has noticed that Dane can recognize emotions and facial expressions.  That is only when someone is really sad and crying.  Happy and laughing.  Angry and yelling.  Only when it is to the extreme emotion that Dane understands what the other is feeling.  She will be working with him more on this to make him understand emotions more clearly.  There is no in-between with emotions that Dane can relate to.  If I say to him with a stern voice, he cannot understand that I am getting upset.  If I turn that into yelling, he will understand that I am getting mad.  That goes for happy and not laughing and sad without crying.  He cannot read between the lines on how people feel.

Dane needs to work hard on his fine motor skills.  When the therapist worked with him on writing his name, the longer they worked at it the better he got.  After they switched around to play therapy and then back to writing his name it was back to where he started.  He has troubles doing a tripod grasp around a crayon.  His teachers would break his crayons in half to help teach him the proper way to write.  He also lacks control when coloring.  By now, he should be able to stay in the lines when coloring a picture.  He scribbles all over with no control.  Also, his darker and harder pressed scribbles are turning into light strokes that are barely visible.

Dane knows and can recognize the letters of the alphabet.  When he writes his name, it is not horizontal. The therapist hopes to have this corrected because he is now in Kindergarten.  The letters seem to be all over with no control. 

sensory sack/body sock

I arrived at the elementary school at 2:50 to get Dane out of school and take him to his therapy.  He was so proud of himself because he walked from his class all the way to the office by himself.  That was very exciting for me also to see how happy he was to walk himself.  For the past 3 weeks a teacher or other student had walked Dane to the office to meet with me.  He leaves 10 minutes before recess and gets ahead of the other classes and away from the noise and clutter of children working their ways through the hallway.  The first thing he told me was, "Daddy, I walked all by myself."  He had a big smile on his face and couldn't wait to tell his mother, Grandpa and his therapist.

I told Danes therapist about at times how he enters his own world.  He makes lots of noises.  He bothers his sister constantly even while I try to separate the two.  He bangs his head and his body twitches.  I told the therapist that Dane has been asking for "squeezes" also.  After I give him a firm hug and put pressure on his joints that helps to calm him.  Usually my wife would take him for a short drive around town and get him out of the house and away from his sister.  When they return, Dane settles down a lot.  I asked if there were any "sensory" toys or games he could use to entertain and calm himself without having to go for a drive all the time.

Dane in a sensory sack for comfort

Kate, Danes therapist, recommended a few things.  Bean bag chairs that he could be placed between for pressure.  She said he didn't think much of the weighted vest and didn't have one in his size to borrow.  She said he enjoys playing with the beans and running his hands through them and letting them fall through his fingers.  The last idea she has was the sensory sack or body sock it's called.  Kate used it during his therapy and he did good with it.

The sensory sack Dane really likes and we got to borrow it and see if it is worth getting one.  I noticed a difference letting him use it tonight.  The sack must be made from nylon that stretches and forces pressure on him and helps calm him down.  Nonetheless, he has fun with it and tucks completely in it and hides.  The only problem is that his sister, Ally, wants one too.  The first night I had to have them take turns because they fought over it.  It looks like I will have to buy two of them just to prevent constant fighting over it.

Explaining Death

A while back before we gotten our guinea pigs Wubbzy and Gizmo, there was Nemo.  Nemo died of natural causes.  That, or it was the q-tip the kids threw into the cage. Nemo ate it within a matter of seconds before I had the slightest chance of getting it out before he ate it.  It happened that fast.  I didn't realize a q-tip could be gobbled up as fast as a human can suck spaghetti noodles by a small furry animal.

After Nemo died, I have to explain that Nemo is gone.  This is about a year ago, I tell the kids that he is with Jesus.  Where's Nemo?  He's with Jesus.  In heaven.  He's in a better place.  He's up in the clouds.  He's at peace.  What do I say?

I remember my wife telling me that Dane was shaking the cage and running back into the bed room saying that, "Nemo won't wake up!'  Uh, oh.  Nemo's dead.

Recently, the kids were fighting over their new night lights for their bed rooms.  I don't know exactly what happened and Dane got really upset.  He told my wife that she died like Nemo.  Needless to say my wife was hurt and appalled. She wanted me to explain to him how that hurt her and explain death further and have him apologize.

After school, I knelt down and told him that if daddy or Grandpa died like Nemo, he would never see daddy or Grandpa again.  I told him that since Nemo died, he hasn't seen Nemo.  Nemo's gone, forever.  I told Dane that that made mommy sad.  He didn't want to apologize because he wanted to play outside. I let him play a bit.  After while, I told him again to apologize and explain why we don't talk about dying.  If someone dies, their gone.  I want to make this a simple explanation but it seems to get harder as I explain.  Eventually, he apologized.  My wife asked what his apology was for and he said, "The night light."  Wow, something clicked and he understood what the apology was for.

I was proud that he said he was sorry on his own.  I took him to one of his cousin's houses to play with someone his own age.  He rode around in their Gator and rode bike.  He had fun.  He's been cooped up in the house all week.  Finally, he get's to go outside and run.  I hope the weather warms up a bit more and stops raining.  It won't be long and winter will be here soon.  Blah.

Time Out in School

After picking up Dane from school Monday I asked the usual question.  "How was school today?"  Dane usually responds with, "Good."  Okay, that's a start.  "Did you have fun?  What did you learn today?"  Dane says he likes school and that he got a time out.  A Time Out!?

I ask, "What happened?  Dane said, "I dunno."  Then all he said what that, "Teacher is naughty!"  I was getting ready for bed and my wife was out the door going to work.  I told her, "Dane got a time out today."  "For what? " She says.  I said he didn't tell me why.

The next morning my wife was getting Dane ready for school and she asked about the time out.  He responded with a horrible meltdown.  He may have been getting sick and not feeling well so he stayed home from school.

I brought up with Danes therapist that he had a time out and won't tell me what happened.  I asked her if she can get it out of him.  He gave her two stories what happened.  Either the whole class got a time out or just a small group including him got a time out for hitting.  I told the therapist that the teacher didn't say anything to me about this time out incident.  Maybe it wasn't that serious and that's why she didn't tell me or send home a note. I said that it was interesting that he told me and brought it to my attention.  That's progress with his communication that something happened.

Loud Noises - sensory intake

I had gotten the kids to sleep last night around 9 pm.  I sat down and read the new Wall E book with Dane and Ally.  Afterwords, it was time for them to get to sleep.  I was tired out from the sunny day we actually had.  Will this rain and cold and wind just go away so the kids can run around outside?    Where did summer go?

I woke up on the couch around 2 this morning.  I was going to go to my own bed and go figure, Dane wakes up crying and looking for me.  I have to get him back to his bed and lay down by his side and then Ally wakes up screaming.  Dane pushes away at Ally so I have to lay between them to get them to sleep.  I wake up at 4 and sneak out to get into my own bed.  Dane wakes up 5 minutes later crying for "Daddy!"  I swear these kids have instinct when I leave.  How else do they always wake up?

6 am I wake up with both kids again and I lay on the couch trying to get a little more sleep while they are wide awake scaring the guinea pig.  Eventually, I pull myself off the couch to get the house picked up. 

We go out to eat at the family restaurant in town.  We place our orders and get our food.  I am sick of ordering meals for the kids when they don't eat.  When we get home they say that their hungry.  We lock up all the cabinets because I don't want them snacking all the time.  We try and have a nice sit down family meal and Ally is falling asleep and antsy.  Dane is staring at the ceiling and shaking his head.  He has been shaking his head a lot lately and looking up.  That is something new.  Probably something to do with his sensory input.  My wife gives him a back rub to make him settle down.

I'm halfway through my meal and the kids have to go potty.  My wife takes them.  I make her take the kids to the womens room because mens rooms are disgusting.  After they do their business Dane washes his hands and is frightened to push the blow dryer butten.  He doesn't want to but he's curious if it will be loud or not.  He always gets ready to plug his ears.  He pushes it and runs out of the bathroom back to our table.  The kids are getting tired so I guess it's time to go.

My wife takes the kids out the door and they run off towards the highway.  She yells at them to stop and they do.  They get into the truck and I stay back to clean up the table and pay the bill.  We decide to go to Grandpa's house to relax.  The kids fall asleep within minutes of driving.  If they could only fall asleep that fast when it is bed time at home.

Play Date

Since my wife works the night shift I need to keep the kids entertained to let her get sleep.  Usually I have to run out to the country to visit their Grandpa.  Out there I get a chance to put my feet up and let the kids run around.  I also get to get caught up on my family and talk with dad.

I have to discipline the kids when they don't listen or do bad things so I punish them by not going to their Grandpa's.  That also hurts me because there I can unwind and have help watching my kids.  I feel they see too much of their Grandpa and that's probably why they don't listen to me.  Grandpa likes to give in way too much and not say "no."  That causes trouble for me when I get the kids home.  They feel like they can do whatever they want and walk over me.

Some days I am so exhausted after working all day.  My feet hurt, I'm tired and hungry.  All I want to do is get home some days and take a shower and sit down.  Luckily today the kids were actually napping when I got home and I got to catch a cat nap with them.

After they woke up that's the start of another full time job keeping them happy and entertained.  I let them go outside and Dane organizes his pinwheels and played with the bubble mower.  Ally plays on the swings.  Sometimes Ally will take things from Dane and he hits her in the back.  I hate it when he does that.  He needs to learn to use his words and not his fists.  He needs to hear that makes his sister sad and it hurts her.  The no hitting social story from the school helped explain that to him.  His therapist also explains to him.  He has a hard time seeing how others feel.

I told them we'd go up to the park because I had to send out a letter for another speech evaluation on Dane.  I went the wrong way and instead of turning around I went to my cousin's place.  He has 2 boys the same age as mine.

It is important for Dane to have someone close to him to play with.  I have seen many benefits with his behavior watching and learning from other children.  Daycare is very beneficial having him see all the other kids dressing themselves and how they use their manners.  We do not need daycare the way our work schedules line up.  We use it 2 days a week for Danes benefit.  It also helps my wife to get some sleep after working all night.  It also gives me a couple hours to get something done around the house and a break from the kids.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays Dane has his therapy after Dawn works all night.  She has to come home and quickly get the kids back out the door for the next few hours.  I don't know how she stays awake.  This is just something we have to do to help Dane overcome some of his issues.  He is maturing and learning to do things more independently.  Right at the moment his fine motor skills are declining and therapy and us have to help him work on that.

Emotional Behavior

Behavior.  What set's it off?  Sometimes something as little as shutting off the kitchen sink.  Dane will have to turn the water on then off or he will have a meltdown.  He has been getting better with his intensive 3 hour therapy sessions two days a week.

Over the weekend we had a cookout at my parents.  We were looking at how bad my dads shingles are on his roof over his house.  45 years old those shingles are and now dad is considering putting a steel roof on.  The shingles on the garage that my brother and I helped roof less then 8 years ago look like crap.  Most of them are curling up already?  Everything is made so cheap.  Those shingles had a 30 year warranty I thought?  Dad says shingles these days your lucky to get 15 years use.

The neighbor down the road stopped in on his 4 wheeler.  He told dad about his steel roof that he put on and wanted to show him.  He wanted dad to jump on the wheeler and take him down the road.  Dad didn't want to go but my brother and I told him to go.

Dane didn't see that Grandpa left on the 4 wheeler and then seen him down the road.  He got really upset.  He stood on the edge of the driveway crying until Grandpa got back.  After he came back, in the neighbors truck, Dane stormed off because the 4 wheeler didn't come back.  He wanted to go for a ride.  He stormed off down the road and I had to run to catch him.  He stayed on side because I have really been pushing him to stay on the side of the road. I never let him close to the road unless I am with him.  I don't know if he'd just walk out into traffic.  Eventually I got him turned around to walk back to the house with me.

Later that evening then neighbor came back on his 4 wheeler and I got to give Dane a ride.  I took him down the road to their farm. We looked at the cows and turned around.  I knew the whole while he was thinking about riding it.  I think that made him happy for the rest of the night.

Air Show

My wife wanted to go see the EAA Air Show 3 hours away.  We decided this could be good family bonding experience.  My family doesn't get to do much together because we work opposite shifts.  It doesn't help that the kids are as little as they are also. I hope to change our life styles soon to help my marriage. 

I was surprised and happy how well the children took the long car ride.  There was a park near by with a splash pad.  We wanted the kids to go to the bathroom before we got to the airport.  We had a couple hours to spare and luckily my wife packed their bathing suits.  They got to play and run through the water with all the other kids.

Dane didn't want to leave but we told him he didn't want to miss the airplanes and big jets.  He likes Big Jet from Disney's Little Einsteins.

When we got there we needed to find a place to park.  8 dollars.  Then we had to get into the airport and get 2 adult wrist bands and 2 bands for the kids.  75 dollars.  Whoa.  I hope I had enough money to get through the day with the 90 degree heat.

Now what?  We walked around not knowing how to get to the air show.  We went outside and there was a line of people waiting for buses.  That is how we get there?

Dane was hungry so we got 3 hot dogs and a bottle of water.  He wanted catsup but I didn't want him to get messy. I told him that catsup was cooked into it and he didn't need to put any on.  A little white lie on my part.

On the bus a nice guy let my kids sit in his spot.  Allyson was excited about her first bus ride.

When the bus stopped and we were on the airfield I figured the kids would be okay to walk.  I wanted to get Danes picture next to a Bomber jet but he knelt down and didn't want his picture taken.  He was already pre exhausted from the heat.  We went back and got the last 2 seater wagon for 15 bucks deposit.  They needed to hold on to my drivers license.

We looked at a lot of big cargo planes and helicopters.  Dane got to sit in a helicopter but didn't seem to excited.  He looked like he was going to have a heat stroke.

I thought that sonic booms were going off because of the planes taking off but they actually were dropping bombs.  That was cool.

My wife went to get us some more water and a veteran pilot gave Dane and Ally stickers while the next planes were flying in formation.

After the final bomb which was a wall of fire that the announcer said, "Changed the war," a big, black cloud was rolling in.  I was expecting a torrential downpour so we wanted to get out of there.

We were walking faster and faster trying to get back to the buses and I looked to the right.  A big mess of dust and gravel was coming at us.  We tried to make it inside a tent but it was already there.  That wind must have been 60 mph.  People were scattering everywhere looking for shelter.  We got to the side of the tent and knelt down on top of the kids.  I put the kids hats over their faces to protect their eyes from flying debree.  Another boy asked his father if that was a tornado.  Dane was so frightened and couldn't tell us how scared he was.

We got back to the wagon rental station and their tent was blown over.  I needed to get my license back and people kept budding in front of me.  Finally a nice old man asked if those were my kids.  I was the only one in the line with kids.  Everyone was returning motorized karts.  He let me get in front of him.  All the licenses were messed up because the wind knocked over their file cabinet.  People were getting distressed because they wanted their cards back.  I thanked the man and we finally go my license back.

Dane fell asleep on the ride back home.  When we got home he was still shaking.  My wife said she'd take him for a quick drive to calm him down.  I'm like, "We just drove 3 hours."  It worked.  She got back and Dane settled down a lot.  She took him around the park and he told her a bit about the ducks there.  A little one on one bonding seems to help even if it's for a short drive. 

Imaginative Play

What a wonderful thing to come home from work to.  Silence.  Both kids taking their naps at the same time on the couch with Maisey on the television.  Food on the stove and a hot bath run.  Wonderful.  I like it.  I like it a lot!

I'd like the kids to start playing video games.  These new systems are so complicated with all the buttons and action going on.  I brought out from storage the old 8 bit Nintendo Entertainment System from my childhood.  What junk.  None of the games would stay on.  I kept getting the blue flashing screen.  The only game I actually got to work was the original Mario Brothers and Duck Hunt combo game.  I wanted to play Duck Hunt and the kids wanted to shoot the ducks.  I think this would help Dane with his hand, eye coordination and fine motor skills.

There must be something with the new flat screen TV's.  BANG BANG BANG!  Then that laughing piece of shit dog comes up.  "Let me see that."  I say.  Same thing.  3 misses and the laughing dog.  Even with the zapper up to the screen would miss the ducks.  There I go.  Getting the kids hopes up for something cool and turns out to be a let down.

The wife is off to bed and the kids are wound up.  Dane wants to go to Grandpas, go figure.  He gets upset and takes it out on Ally.  He starts to slam doors in her face and slap her arm.  He even started to scratch her.  When he gets in that attitude frame of mind I have to keep Allyson distant from him or he tries to hurt her.  Sometimes I think she brings it on and irritates him by taking his toys from him.

Looks like rain so I have to bring the kids inside and get some laundry done.  First thing they do in run around the basement with those loud dump trucks.  Dawn wakes up and tells me to take their trucks away.  I'm trying to do laundry.  After I get a load in I'll take them back upstairs and "try" to keep them quiet.

I thought I'd bring out Ally's doll house and try some imaginative play with the kids.  Dane showed no interest at all.  Not because of the doll house.  Because he lacks imaginative play.  That really sucks that all Dane see's is reality and can't use his imagination.  He did laugh when I used the small dog to pretend play drinking out of the toilet and then lick at Ally and his faces.

Kindergarten

Dane was excited to go back to school.  He still talks about his teacher from last year.  It's sad for him knowing that she is not his teacher this year.  He is in a new classroom with all new students.  Only a couple familiar faces are in his class this year.  I don't understand why they didn't put him in a class with more students he got to know from last year.  That really stinks.  I told him that he will make lots of new friends this year.  Most of the kids are latino.

There was a young hispanic girl starting kindergarten this year.  She was crying and scared.  She couldn't speak any english.  Her parents dropped her off and left her on her own.  The teachers had to find an interpreter to speak to her and calm her down.  The girl was new to the area and didn't know anybody.

Danes first day of Kindergarten before class

The school wants the kids entering the school to go strait to the cafeteria.  This is for breakfast and for those who will eat before their first class.  I understand if someones kid has to get up early and ride the bus to school who don't have time to eat to have this option.  I live about 5 blocks from the school and Dane has time to eat breakfast at home.  I told his teacher that he will not be getting to school early to wait in the lunch room with all the loud kids eating their breakfast.  He will arrive right before class starts between 8:15 and 8:25.  I am not paying for 2 or 3 meals a day when he can eat at home before school starts.

It sounds from Danes teacher that he had a good day and I am happy about that.  Hopefully she is telling me the truth for me not to be concerned.  I need to set up a M-Team meeting to get the personnel involved with Dane to let the staff know about his condition.  A lot of the teachers and people working close with him don't know he has autism.  I could have knocked the librarian over with a feather when I told her last year.  I couldn't believe she didn't know.  I thought that the school would have brought this to their faculty's attention.  I guess that is up for me to let them know.  What if something sets off a meltdown and the teacher thinks he is misbehaving?  Anyone involved around Dane must know his condition.  That is the importance of the M-Team meeting.  Like an IEP but with all who is involved with Dane to bring it to their attention.

First Big Rides

I am in shock.  Dane went on the rides at the fair and loved them.  Allyson really wanted to go on the ferris wheel.  She is 3.  I rode with her and my wife rode with Dane.  My sister was in the area and we met with her.

On one of the inflated jumping kids areas, Allyson got her skin on her heel peeled back.  My sister took Dane and went on some rides with him while we took Ally back to the car.  We needed to get her some socks or a band aid.  Something to protect that raw mark on her foot.

What are the odds of finding only 1 sock in the car?  It was black and wearing it with sandles it looked like a small cast.  Needless to say now she could walk because it wasn't rubbing against her shoe anymore.

Dane with cousin and aunt

We needed to catch up with my sister and find Dane.  We walked around the fair looking for her and decided we'd catch up with her when the entertainment started.  Ally wanted to go on the ferris wheel again.  We stood in line and there was Dane and my sister and her daughter waving at us.

Dane went on the ferris wheel, scrambler, spinning strawberry ride, hang glider and tilt a whirl while we were catering to Ally.  Those I thought would be intense for him but he had fun.  Later, my mother wanted to go on the tilt a whirl.  We took Dane and his cousin, Mia on the ride.  It was a fast ride and a car that spun a lot!  Dane was shaking and I told him to "Hold On."  He looked at me and said, "Daddy, this is cool!"  I laughed.  I did not expect him to go on these rides.

It is hard to believe he will be in kindergarten this year.  Tonight we met with his teacher.  She seemed nice.  Looking at his class mate list he only has 2 kids he knows from last year.  I wish they could have had him in a class with more kids he knew.  I told him that he will make lots of new friends.  He is happy to be going back to school.  The school system has a good routine and I think that helps Dane adapt better off in the long run.

Instead of Dane having therapy in the morning on Tuesdays and Thursdays he will have it after school.  That will be easier on my wife who works all night in the factory and takes him.  Now, I will have to take him after work and after I pick him up from school.  I just worry how wore out he will be after going to school all day and then having a few hours therapy afterwords.  I am guessing he will sleep for the 40 minute drive there.  By that time he probably won't want to do anything because he will be too tired.  I hope it all goes well.  He has been through a lot the past few years since birth to 3 and intensive therapy.

Dentist Cleaning and Sealants

Dane's 2nd trip to the dentist went well. He needed a teeth cleaning and they added sealants to 4 of his molars. I hope he will never have to sit through cavity drilling again. The sealants should help prevent cavities at least in those areas. The last time he was at the dentist he had 3 cavities drilled.

The first thing the dental hygienist did was put sunglasses on him. Good thing because he's looking strait up at fluorescent lights that scramble his vision. The flickering of the lights could have put him into a sensory over-load and probably would have prompted him into a meltdown.

For the first 5 minutes or so he was doing as told. Something started to scare him or hurt his ears because they have those little screaming instruments inside his mouth. That had to have been hard and hurt his hearing. He started to have tears run down his face. I know he badly wanted to cup his ears but the dentist kept telling him to put his hands down.

The part I didn't like was how fast they tried to work with him. I know when I get my teeth cleaned it's like they can't wait to get me out of that chair and get the next paying patient in. Slow down already! My kid has autism and he's very sensitive. Sure, she kept saying "This doesn't hurt, it's only air." What does she know what hurts him and what doesn't?

The best thing was when it was over and he got his picture taken for the "no cavity club." He's the only kid in there with sunglasses on.

I had my 3 year old daughter in there with me to see what happens at the dentist. She liked that she got a sticker after it was over. Dane got to pick out a couple toys of his own. Nothing that would spin did they have so he picked out 2 bouncy balls.

When we got home he was excited that he got to put his pinwheels into the ground. He must have played and organized them for about an hour.


Tomorrow he has intensive therapy. It will last about 3 hours and my wife will have to take him alone. I will be at work and my father will have to watch my daughter. The therapists don't want his sister there as she will cause distraction.

Some days I have to take family medical leave from work to be at the therapy session when needed. Part of the therapy is family counseling for my wife and I. They recommended that for all parents involved with the therapy. I have no say if I want to or not.  The family counselor has given us very good advice as to how we need to address problems so far.

It would have been different if my daughter was born first and we would have had prior experience parenting.  Parenting an autistic child is a lot to learn and how to deal with how they react to their environment.  Once you get to know what sets them off the better prepared you become once your aware. 

Don't React. Act

Upon discussing with the family counselor we have learned that we say too much.  When the children are misbehaving or we do not like what they are doing we don't act.  We need to give a look of disapproval and if bad behavior is the problem, time out.

Talking and scolding goes no where.  It gives the children negative attention.  Whether attention is good or bad, it is still attention.   We need to put a mark on the brain when learning good from bad.  When bad happens we need to teach the kids that they have done something bad.  Praise is when they do good and compliment how good they were.  Being naughty deserves nothing.  That is why talking doesn't help.  Explaining doesn't work.  Yelling doesn't work.  Say nothing.  After time out, ask what s/he did wrong.  If they shrug their shoulders, tell them what was wrong.

With Danes auditory processing disorder, the counselor explained that while we are 3 sentences into telling him what he did wrong, he's back on the first few words.  I try to cut sentences short so he understands but the counselor is right.  Bad behavior doesn't even deserve explanation.  Soon we should be able to get "the look" as she describes it.  When the children are misbehaving and giving them that look will make them stop in their tracks.  Like a deer in headlights.

Dane had a meltdown the other night because Allyson stepped on his pin wheel.  She barely touched it with her foot.  Dane reacted very emotionally and wanted a new pin wheel.  He kept saying "Ally broke it."  He wanted to go to the store.  He jumped in my vehicle and was pushing down on the pedals to drive.  I have to keep the doors locked on both cars so he doesn't go in anymore.

I explained and kept telling Dane that his pin wheel was fine.  It still spins, it is not broke.  We don't have to go to the store.  On and on I kept telling him.  Nothing worked.  In a meltdown like this the counselor said I wasted my breath.  She said to get him in the house and put him in his room.  I said that he'd scream, kick and hit if I carried him in. In this case, I need to get down behind him and firmly hug him.  Not saying anything as well to get him to come out of that state.

When bad behavior is a problem, we can't just stay sitting on the couch telling the kids not to do what we disapprove of as parents.  We need to get up and make them stop.  That is why my kids have me wrapped around their little fingers at times.  I need to regain control of my household.  It doesn't pay to get excited and yell because that just makes things worse.  Get up and make the kids learn who is in charge.

Transitions

Shopko had a huge clearance and I actually decided to replace our plain jane table.  The table was sturdy and the ends flipped down but I hated the chairs.  Sometimes I'd try to scoot my seat up and the one chair was missing a screw.  I would end up getting my thumb pinched in between the frame and the seat with me sitting on my own hand.  One good reason to replace the chairs at least.

Nine years later I knew I wanted to get a nice decorative table with solid chairs to spice up the dining room.   I didn't think the 5 piece set would come in a big 135 lb. box for complete assembly.  I am not mr. handyman at about anything.  Usually my wife is handy and can read assembly instructions a lot better.  To say in the least, she let this to me.

I let Dane know that we have a new table.  Daddy needs to put it together.  I showed him the flyer of what it will look like when it's finished.  My wife took the kids up north to her dads to drop a box of Ally's smaller cloths to give to her brothers daughter who's a year younger.  It works out decent.  When Ally gets too big we donate the clothes to her cousin.  Most of the clothes we get are from 2nd hand stores or on extreme markdown at the stores.

A few hours later my wife and kids returned from their 2 hour drive.  The very first reaction from Dane turned into a meltdown.  He wanted to take the table apart and help me put it back together.  He went down on his hands and knees crying and started banging his head on the floor.  I had to talk him through it and get him to agree to go outside with me so I could take him for a walk in the wagon around the block.  When we got back he was much more accepting to the transition of the new table.

Anything different needs to be drilled into his head that something is going to change and he needs to be forewarned.  I showed him the flyer and the box of the un-assembled table and chairs.  I told him we have a new table.  If I would have just gotten a new dining set without giving him notice he would have been much worse to regain control over.

feelings

When Dane wants something or to do something, it's NOW!  There in no patience involved.  He doesn't get the fact when someone is busy that he needs to wait a bit.  It is always about him.  He doesn't seem to think of others or how it will affect their feelings.

My wife bought a baby book with pictures to show the feelings of others.  I can see why she bought it.  I don't think he knows or understands facial expressions.  To see and visualize what these people are feeling in the photos helps him to see expression.

The first picture was a happy family.  I had to tell him over and over that this is the kind of family we want.  Happy Family.  Next picture was sad.  I want him to know that we want and need a happy family and not a sad or angry family.  I go on to explain that when he is sad or angry that the whole family is affected.  I hope it sinks in that happy is so much better then angry.  We can do more when everyone is happy.  When the kids don't listen we have to discipline and not go to the store.  Not go outside.  It affects everyone.  Parenting is not as fun as they make it look on television.  Especially when you have one with special needs and needs special attention given to.

I hope with his therapy that he will be able to control his frustration in time.  When he is frustrated, he will storm off and say he's gonna do it, go outside, hit something or break something.  "Daddy, go outside?"  he says.  "No, Dane.  It's raining and windy and cold."  I say.  "Alright!  I'm going outside!"  and he storm off trying to get out.  No is never an answer with him.  Again, it's always what he wants and feels nothing about others.  Even when I say, "Pretty soon."  That's not soon enough and he gets angry and try's to storm out without anyone being ready.  Not even he is ready to go out.  Skip the shoes and coat.  He wants out and he's going with or without me or his shoes and jacket.  Everything has to be done at the drop of a hat.

Confused

I don't think that people see the way my wife and I see our son.  I know that from looking at him that he appears that there can certainly be nothing wrong.  He is a smart and handsome young man from looks.  On the inside is what people don't see and what we deal with.  Behavior wise.  If I were to record and show one of his meltdowns they would be in shock that this is the same boy.

Medical terminology has not given us a term to describe my sons autism.  I am sure that he is high functioning (HF).  He is now using speech to ask and get what he wants.  It is hard to figure out what he is saying at times and he gets frustrated. He is using fine motor skills at school to bead a string into a necklace.  He is starting to ride a bike with training wheels.   He is doing lots of normal little boy stuff.

He does good at early education in school.  They give him sensory breaks every two hours and take him out of class.  He had only had 1 fairly difficult meltdown the year so far.  He seems to be making some friends and getting to socialize better.  He used to shy off to the corner by himself away from everyone and play with his toys.  Nobody else existed in his world.  He has come a long way so far.

However, it seems that no one sees the inside behavior that my wife and I put up with.  My father has seen how his temper can change over something small.  I see it every day.  Everything at home sets him off the wall.  Turning on the microwave, starting the dryer, pushing down the toaster.  Little things all the time.  If he does it first or has the chance that I let him he will be fine.  Then a while later I forget and do something that throws off his routine all hell breaks loose.  He will hit the floor, bang his head, hit the walls, hit his sister, tip over chairs and stomp on the floor with his feet.  That is very aggravating.  That is not normal.  His therapist said something about an audio processing disorder.  This causes him to do the things he does without thinking because their is more hormone in that part of his brain that sets him over the edge.  Fight and Run she also described it as.

At therapy for the time hes there, he cooperates.  At school, he listens.  At home it can be a nightmare.  We have been seeing improvements with his therapy and he holds back from hitting his sister.  In turn he hits himself and bites his hand. Thinking about it now it seems that frustration sets him off a lot.

Big Boys Club

During my son's intensive therapy today we were given advice on how to treat Dane more like a big boy and make him feel needed and appreciated.  The therapist recommended small chores and not to give him a question option of "Would you; Can you?"  Instead we have to get down, put our hands on his shoulders and calmly say to him, "Put on your shoes."  "Pick up your toys." etc...Try to make and hold eye contact as well.  She explained that once a parent masters control, all it takes is a look and the child will know what you want of them and they will stop in their tracks.

The therapist explained that my son is expressing a need for attention.  This can be both positive and negative.  Any form of expression you give either praise or anger gives the child some type of attention that the child wants.  You must remain calm and not accelerate their emotion.  Again, you must get down to their level and explain calmly what you want from the child.

She also gave us some explanation saying that telling Dane that he wants to be a big boy and help out like a big boy.  She called it the Big Boys Club.  She wants us to explain to him that when other kids are getting ready for class what other kids will think when he's not ready.  When he refuses to brush his teeth we have to explain that he doesn't want yellow teeth or cavities.  We have to push into his world and help him to grow up.  Children live in the present and we as parents teach them about yesterday and tomorrow.  We should not dwell on the past or worry about the future.  We need to live and connect with our children in the now. 

Working with a child and helping develop their fine motor skills is a skill a child doesn't loose.  Recently, Dane stopped zipping up his pants and coat.  He says he can't and it usually makes me give in to him and zip up or start for him.  The therapist told us that he's doing that for attention.

Tonight I kept giving him the "Your doing so good; You are a big boy; You are such a great helper."  Compliments.  I'm not sure but I think he could see right through it.  Getting his jacket zipped up didn't seem to take as long.  He said he can't.  I got it latched and said, "Okay, I helped, now you finish."  He zipped up and we spent the next several hours outside playing.

Another thing the therapist suggested was separating his sister from him.  She is attached at his hip when ever he is around.  I can see why he gets angry at her and hits her.  He wants time away from her.  We were recommended to get Dane into his room and play alone and have Ally do something else, away from her big brother.  Easier said then done is what I was thinking as she told me this.  It's worth a try.

I mentioned how washing his hair is like pulling teeth.  She suggested that it may be the tingling sensation he feels down the back of his neck while shampooing that makes him so restless and irritable.  She thinks that showering him may help stop that sensation.  

Getting the kids in the house and ready for bed Dane had lost a small bell that was in the guinea pig cage.  He freaked out.  Screamed and cried.  He opened up the cage and was digging through their bedding looking for that little bell.  He was a train wreck.  How can something like a small bell turn someone into a basket case?  I don't know.  Until he found that bell did he not feel like a total weight lifted off his shoulders.  I am so glad he found that bell or I would never hear the end of it.