Jello Meltdown

Home at last from a long day in the factory. A long hard day wanting to get home to a beloved family and take a shower. Walking into a house with a sleeping wife and kids, life is good. Time to unwind.

I was lucky enough to grab the cold leftover pizza out of the fridge from the night before. I can't start the microwave because that will wake up Dane and he will scream half in his sleep. He wouldn't be happy until he stops the microwave and starts it again. That's all part of his routine. I got to tip toe around my house to not wake up the sleeping household. This should be my time to relax.

Nice. I got in a quick shower and the kids are still sleeping. What's this, Dane is waking up and want's Jello? "Okay, you can have some." I say quietly not to wake his little sister.

"I want jello too!" Screams Ally half in her sleep. Oh Sh*t, here we go. Remain calm. I'm beat and I hurt my arm today at my job. Can't I just sit down to a bit of peace and quiet? Just this once? Please? No.

Dane curls up on the floor, throws a sheet over his head with the jello and cries. "Want jello!" A meltdown over jello. He cries for the next 20 minutes. I can't talk him out of it or open the jello for him. He wants to but he won't get off the floor curled in a ball on top of the jello container. Now his sister is whining about jello too. I can feel my hair getting grayer.

Finally. Meltdown over. They have to work themselves out of it. Some are longer then others so this one was about mid-range. At least he didn't bang his head on the floor and try to hit his sister. That is something to be thankful for in the least.

Jello time. Some for you and some for you. Their both happy. Time to go outside, it's nice out. I will sit in the chair and watch the kids play. Not a chance. Now it's Ally's turn to raise hell. She doesn't want to get dressed and get her boots on. She screams, "I don't want it!" Great. Dane is done now it's her turn to make my life miserable. Why?

Now, I have no choice. Off to Grandpa's so they can run and play so my wife can rest up to work the graveyard shift. Their happy. Sweet. Now if they will only go to bed on time tonight so I can try to read my new book before I fall asleep before I finish the first chapter.

No Easy Explanation

I feel that you really need to tell an autistic child several times about something before it happens. I try to tell my son about leaving for work and he goes through a range of emotions.

He will ask, "I come to?" To tell him that he can't go gets him really sad. He cries and walks away. A while later we will tell him again that I have to leave and that I will be back later. This time he will get angry and stomp his feet and storms off crying.

This happened again at his grandparents house. Grandma was having a dinner award for her 40 years in the factory. Grandpa had to go with, and why not, it's a free meal. Telling him that Grandpa has to leave and he can't go set him off. Sadness, anger, agitation. It's very overwhelming. It leaves me stressed trying to make him understand that he will be back. Some things he just can't do with us or his grandparents.

The time came when Grandpa was leaving for the dinner party. He didn't take it so hard at the final moments of his leaving. What a relief. I thought he would go into a tantrum and we would have to deal with that for the next hour. Maybe it was worth telling him 5 times prior leaving to not deal with him screaming. I could have dealt without the tantrums the other 4 times however.

With therapy and hope, he will eventually be able to control his emotions from what his therapists tell me. Autism is not cured but it is treated. It is not easy dealing with situations that you have no control over. Once control is regained, the bitter sweetness of happy children who we love is upon us until the next fight or meltdown. Enjoy it while you can. With fingers crossed, it will get better with each passing day.

Routines

A routine I didn't mention at the early stages of my son when he was still a toddler. Before we left anywhere, he would have to jump over the seats in our vehicles, turn on the dome lights and honk the horn.

No matter what we would do, he just had to do these quirky things or he would go wild. This is before we knew he was autistic. We really didn't know what autism was at that time. We knew there was something wrong. One routine after another. After one routine starts and goes on for a while, it ends and a new one starts.

Trying to buckle him into his car seat was virtually impossible. He would kick and scream. He would have to turn on the dome lights, honk the horn and then he would be as calm as can be and get buckled in to go. We knew we didn't want him to do this all the time. When it's time to go, it's time to go now. I don't want to have to deal with fighting with my son when we want to go somewhere.

Every time though, we would have to cave in after a few minutes and make him happy just to go anywhere. Every routine had complete control over us. Until he flipped a switch, spun a wheel, honked the horn, lined toys up, etc...we let him do it just so he wouldn't throw a tantrum.

When he would tantrum they would last from 45 minutes to an hour. That was enough to bring us as parents to our knees. Screaming, kicking and crying. What were we doing wrong? I just wanted our child to be happy. If he could only talk to tell us what was wrong.

Every day is a new adventure. There are good days and they are very well appreciated. When there are bad days it is like hell on earth where anything we try to do is wrong and nothing makes him happy. I figured out though that when he is over-tired, that is when he is at his worst. That is when nothing is right and all he needs to do is nap. After a nap he is all better. Getting him to lay down for the nap or bed time is the real challenge.

Summer School

Danes teacher thought it would be a good idea to have him enrolled in summer school. Even if the teacher didn't suggest this I was going to enroll him. This is to keep in into a routine and meet new teachers and students to help with his social skills and prepare him for kindergarten. This will also give him a chance to do things that he is more interested in.

Children on the autism spectrum disorder (ASD) don't take routine breaking easily. Life changes and new obstacles lay ahead. It is best to keep him in a active school environment, or extended before the following school year.

Next year, Dane will have a new teacher and possibly new students added to his classroom. He will have to adjust like any other student but it will take longer with his autism. We show him his class picture to get to know the faces of his classmates.

We are slowly working Dane into a 5 day full time school week. We started with 1 three hour day on Fridays when he was 4 years old. At 5 years old we bumped him up to 2 full days a week. On Friday, he has his special education with more one on one time with his Speech Therapist, Behavioral Therapist, Musical Therapist, Occupational Therapist and Psychologist. Friday is the most important day for him and it upsets me when school is called off or there is no school. That is the day that focuses entirely on his needs.

Since Dane has been enrolled in school, he has gained much more in his social skills. He is talking more and not echoing back as much as he once did. Some of his vowels sound like other letters and is hard to understand what he wants. He gets frustrated until we figure out what he wants. After he gets across to us what he wanted he is very relieved as are we.

Being around children his age has had such an advantage to helping him learn to be more independent. He now can get himself dressed with less help. Sometimes it takes a few commands to get him started. Hearing him start to ask questions is very exciting also. Learning is an entirely different story with those of a certain disability. It takes more patience and time. Early intervention was the best option.

Responsibility

We have taken on 2 guinea pigs to help with our children to learn responsibility. I make it my son's duty to water them. I make him check the water level every day and when it's close to empty, I make him fill it.  Soon, he will do it himself when he sets his routine.

When the bedding and food need to be filled and changed I have him hold the garbage bag when I empty. This makes him feel like he is needed and helping out.

It took him until past the age of 5 to finally dress himself. He will ask all the time if his shirt, pants, shoes and underwear are backwards. When I tell him "no" he tries to put on his clothes. He still needs help from time to time. Part of his autism always wants to know if he is doing things right.

Learning to take on responsibility for ones self is an important part of life. Occupational Therapy seems to be helping with that aspect of learning. Having a son on the autism spectrum disorder (ASD) I feel like I need to take on more chores to have him watch and learn from me.

When I put dishes away, I try to encourage him to help out. He usually wants to take out all the saucer lids and spin them or spin the sprayer inside the dishwasher. I want to break him of those autistic routines. It's okay to let him do it for a little bit but then it's time to stop. To let him do things like that and get away with it, that's all he would want to do.

Laundry time I let him put in the dirty clothes in the washer. Letting him take out the dry clothes also teaches him responsibility.  He still throws a tantrum if he doesn't start the dryer.  To avoid a meltdown and get away from the drama I let him start it.  He needs autism services to help brake these routines.

Picking up his toys also. We needed to use a picture schedule with this showing him what he needed to do. A picture schedule was needed for him to dress himself, bath time and bed time. He needed to see how these routines were needed to take on responsibility for himself.

We finally have been able to get Dane to sleep all night in his own bed.  For some reason he has to have the guinea pigs next to his bed.  He also needs a fuzzy warm blanket to swaddle himself in.  I think the blanket reminds him of Grandpa's house because they have the same blanket.

Children are fast learners. When you have a child with special needs it takes more time to teach them what they need to know. Eventually, they will have to do things for themselves. That's just how it is and that's the way it's going to be. I can't be around to wait on my son hand and foot every day because he has autism. He needs to learn to do things for himself.

Over Tired

The over tired mind of my son sets him into overdrive. It is complicated for him and for me to get him to rest. This is not only for nap time. Most days, there is no nap. By bed time he is really tired.  One would think that being up all day would be no trouble at night going to bed.

With darkened eye lids and a screaming chuckle I know he is tired. He is running around the house and not stopping unless it's for water. Then he runs and laughs more. Hopefully his sister stays clear from him or he will hit her thinking it's part of the game.

His little sister thinks this is a game and joins in the fun. For me, it's trying to unwind him to get him ready for bed. Trying to separate the two so one can rest is a quite a task at hand. I literally have to let him run until he runs out of energy. I wish to stop this and settle him down. How to go about this?

I turn off the television, dim the lights and read them a book. Rocking them in my chair usually will help settle his nervous system. He calms down with the sound of my voice and having a blanket tightly wrapped around him. This goes well, unless, his sister and him start to push away at each other.  They fight over me all the time.  Giving them individual attention at this age while my wife and I work opposite shifts can't be done unless one falls asleep.

I would like to try and keep a set routine for bed time. Sometimes that routine gets broken mostly because I am over worked and very tired from my day job. This is when I let the t.v. on a cartoon that is turned down low for my daughter. She will lay on the couch and watch Yo Gabba Gabba, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Little Bear or Wubbzy. This gives me a little one on one with my son to help get him to sleep.

He does not like to lay down by himself. He needs me to lay by him until he falls asleep. Then I sneak away and get his sister ready for bed.  Usually she isn't very hard to get to sleep on her own.  Some nights I end up playing musical chairs with our bedrooms trying to keep Dane asleep in his own bed.  He wakes up a lot during the night.  I think he sleep walks.  I get out of my bed and lay back by his side to get him to sleep.  I want this routine broken.  He is old enough where he needs to sleep in his own bed.

Our family doctor recommended melatonin, a natural vitamin, to help with his sleeplessness. 3 milligrams 1/2 hour before bedtime. It helps to release serotonin in the brain and helps him get sleepy. I have seen some positive effects of this. It does help unwind him and get him ready faster for bed time.  He still seems to wake up during the night several times.

My wife and I work opposite shifts and hardly see each other. I know she is going though tough times dealing with the kids when I am not around. Then we switch. She goes to sleep and I get to raise them. It's like were two single parents.

New Teacher

Today, my sons early education teacher found another teaching job closer to her home. She left without warning and didn't say goodbye to her class. My son took this quite hard. This is a break in his routine and now what he knows so well has suddenly changed.

His new teacher seems very nice. She also has experience dealing with special needs children and those especially on the autism spectrum disorder (ASD). In time, my son will learn to grow close to her as well as he did his last teacher.

This is a shock to my wife and I how his teacher left the way she did. I am sure she has her own reasons. Maybe she wanted to make a clean break and hold back her emotions? Maybe with this government bill with the teachers union she was afraid of a pink slip? I know she loved her class very much. My son adored her. She was a very good teacher and I will miss her and so will her students.

We have my sons class picture hanging up on the tack board with his old teacher on it. We told him that he can still look at her picture to remember her when he wants. We are still trying to figure out how to explain why she left. All we can tell him now is that he has a new teacher and that she will be good to him like the other teacher.

I hope he will deal with this issue. This is a big change that happened so fast. If I feel shocked and awed by this, how can he feel? Routines are very hard to break with a child of autism. I've dealt with small things such as toys. But a person who has brought him so much inspiration and admiration? That has to be a greater heart ache than moving one of his toy cars out of alignment.