Triggered Emotion

Tonight I had to work a bit late because there was no production at the plant on 2nd shift.  I had to get everything put away and finish up as fast as possible.  I do not wish to work any overtime.  8 hours is enough working in the factory.  Get to work, do the job and get the hell out.  Done and done. 

It seemed like a long drive home after work.  Maybe it felt like that to prepare what was coming when I got home.  I pulled into the driveway and my wife was putting the kids into the other vehicle.  Dane is a basket case. "The house is trashed."  Says my wife.  "We're going to your dads."

The kids are loaded into my vehicle and Dane gets more upset that he's not in the black vehicle.  We get them out and I get down on my knees and ask Dane if he needs squeezes.  He says "Yes."  I rub his back and give him tight hugs and press down on his shoulders.  I tell him that he will get through it.  It seemed to help.  I don't know what it is other then it's the sensory input he needs to calm down.

Lately Dane has been having some pretty unbelievable meltdowns.  The last one was over the weekend when we went to visit my sister.  Grandpa and my sister left to go to the store.  Dane didn't notice they left, until they got back.  Then it started.  He wanted to go to the store.  He stormed off and down the road.  He has no idea where we are.  We start off after him and he is far ahead of us.  I run to catch him.

Finally we catch up to him and try to turn him around to walk back to the house.  He screams bloody murder and that he's not going back.  He wants to go to the store.  He runs ahead of us back to the house and then curls up into a ball on the ditchline.  I try to pick him up but he screams and kicks at me.  He notices his cousin, Alex, back at the house and runs back meet him.  What just happened?

I ask my wife later tonight, "What set him off?"  She says, "Nothing."  I say, "Something had to set him off?"  She said he woke up from his nap and wet himself in his sleep.  "There ya go."  Normally we have to put a pull up on him when he naps and when he sleeps at night to prevent an accident.  On that note, either wake him up earlier from his nap or let him sleep longer but don't forget to put training pants on him.  He's fully potty trained except for cleaning himself and wetting when in a deep sleep.  If I happen to wake up in the night I try to drag him to the bathroom to release and he usually will wake up dry.

The sad part about all of this emotion is that Dane wants to be normal but he just can't control this part of himself.  I remember asking him what was wrong during this episode and he said that he didn't know.  He's so upset, over nothing, and can't calm himself down.  It hurts me to see him like that.  One minute he's happy and playful.  Next, he's a train wreck with emotions and can't control himself.  It's like walking on eggshells with him.

Parent/Teacher Conference

I was pretty leery about what was going to be said with Danes teacher.  Are they having troubles with him in class?  Is he keeping up to his peers?  Has he had any meltdowns?  I was worried going at this alone because my wife works the night shift and she sleeps at this time of the day. 

Grandpa came and took the kids while I went to the conference.  To my surprise I got right in and didn't have to wait.  Sweet.  This shouldn't take too long I hope.  I was there for 25 minutes.  I asked a guy I work with who's daughter is in the other class how long his was.  He said 10.  I must have rambled on.  We had a few laughs as well.  I cannot believe what they want kids this young to be learning.  How well they should be reading and tying their shoes by the end of the school year.  All about this "no child left behind" deal.  Even the teacher said that kids learn at different paces.  True, and what of his autism?  Is that affecting him from learning?

It sounds that Dane is doing well in school.  She had concerns that he isn't paying attention but when he's looking away and she calls on him, he answers her.  This was like when he was in pre-K.  During that time Dane had to have a matchbox car with him all the time.  He would spin the wheels while the teacher was talking.  It would appear that he is not paying attention to the teacher.  Also, when asked a question he would answer correctly.  I am thinking because of his auditory processing disorder that he cannot visually watch and listen at the same time.  He needs to be looking away to listen to process what he is being taught.  I think.  How else would he know the answers if he's not paying attention.  This is his way of paying attention.  By looking away.

I told the teacher about forewarning Dane when certain things will happen.  Like the fire drill they had.  He wasn't prepared and the bell scared him.  She said he sat at the table and cupped his ears.  I asked if the fluorescent lights bother him also.  She told me that she usually only has the front row of lights on because of the sunlight that comes in.  As far as him learning she is not concerned that he is lagging.  That was very good news that he is catching up to his peers. 

The teacher mentioned that the therapists from the center where Dane receives his services faxed over his records what they are working on with him.  She couldn't believe this was the same child from what she read.  I am thinking because school is so structured that he has learned to go with the flow.  At home, our structure is bad.  As I said, my wife and I both work full time opposite shifts.  The structure is her way, then my way, then the weekend we are both home with the kids and they don't know who to listen to.  It's hell. 

Structure is very important.  Routine wise.  Break the routine and pay the price.  Dane relies on a set system of his daily activities.  If something is out of sync it drive him over the edge.  Thus, the meltdown.  Tipping over chairs, hitting his sister, banging his head, slamming doors, knocking over books, and so on.  Destroying the house. 

The best way to handle a meltdown or tantrum in other words is to avoid it.  Get to know the child in what sets them off.  That's a bit of the problem.  You may think you have something figured out and then something else arrives that triggers off the emotions.  Keep a log of when and where things out of the ordinary happen.  Piece together and pinpoint the problems.  Work with them and talk to the therapists about what needs to be addressed to.  Work with the child and don't yell.  It never helped with Dane.  He never understood why I would raise my voice.  Before he was diagnosed it seemed like that would make him learn right from wrong.  It didn't.

Time Out in School

After picking up Dane from school Monday I asked the usual question.  "How was school today?"  Dane usually responds with, "Good."  Okay, that's a start.  "Did you have fun?  What did you learn today?"  Dane says he likes school and that he got a time out.  A Time Out!?

I ask, "What happened?  Dane said, "I dunno."  Then all he said what that, "Teacher is naughty!"  I was getting ready for bed and my wife was out the door going to work.  I told her, "Dane got a time out today."  "For what? " She says.  I said he didn't tell me why.

The next morning my wife was getting Dane ready for school and she asked about the time out.  He responded with a horrible meltdown.  He may have been getting sick and not feeling well so he stayed home from school.

I brought up with Danes therapist that he had a time out and won't tell me what happened.  I asked her if she can get it out of him.  He gave her two stories what happened.  Either the whole class got a time out or just a small group including him got a time out for hitting.  I told the therapist that the teacher didn't say anything to me about this time out incident.  Maybe it wasn't that serious and that's why she didn't tell me or send home a note. I said that it was interesting that he told me and brought it to my attention.  That's progress with his communication that something happened.

Emotional Behavior

Behavior.  What set's it off?  Sometimes something as little as shutting off the kitchen sink.  Dane will have to turn the water on then off or he will have a meltdown.  He has been getting better with his intensive 3 hour therapy sessions two days a week.

Over the weekend we had a cookout at my parents.  We were looking at how bad my dads shingles are on his roof over his house.  45 years old those shingles are and now dad is considering putting a steel roof on.  The shingles on the garage that my brother and I helped roof less then 8 years ago look like crap.  Most of them are curling up already?  Everything is made so cheap.  Those shingles had a 30 year warranty I thought?  Dad says shingles these days your lucky to get 15 years use.

The neighbor down the road stopped in on his 4 wheeler.  He told dad about his steel roof that he put on and wanted to show him.  He wanted dad to jump on the wheeler and take him down the road.  Dad didn't want to go but my brother and I told him to go.

Dane didn't see that Grandpa left on the 4 wheeler and then seen him down the road.  He got really upset.  He stood on the edge of the driveway crying until Grandpa got back.  After he came back, in the neighbors truck, Dane stormed off because the 4 wheeler didn't come back.  He wanted to go for a ride.  He stormed off down the road and I had to run to catch him.  He stayed on side because I have really been pushing him to stay on the side of the road. I never let him close to the road unless I am with him.  I don't know if he'd just walk out into traffic.  Eventually I got him turned around to walk back to the house with me.

Later that evening then neighbor came back on his 4 wheeler and I got to give Dane a ride.  I took him down the road to their farm. We looked at the cows and turned around.  I knew the whole while he was thinking about riding it.  I think that made him happy for the rest of the night.

Kindergarten

Dane was excited to go back to school.  He still talks about his teacher from last year.  It's sad for him knowing that she is not his teacher this year.  He is in a new classroom with all new students.  Only a couple familiar faces are in his class this year.  I don't understand why they didn't put him in a class with more students he got to know from last year.  That really stinks.  I told him that he will make lots of new friends this year.  Most of the kids are latino.

There was a young hispanic girl starting kindergarten this year.  She was crying and scared.  She couldn't speak any english.  Her parents dropped her off and left her on her own.  The teachers had to find an interpreter to speak to her and calm her down.  The girl was new to the area and didn't know anybody.

Danes first day of Kindergarten before class

The school wants the kids entering the school to go strait to the cafeteria.  This is for breakfast and for those who will eat before their first class.  I understand if someones kid has to get up early and ride the bus to school who don't have time to eat to have this option.  I live about 5 blocks from the school and Dane has time to eat breakfast at home.  I told his teacher that he will not be getting to school early to wait in the lunch room with all the loud kids eating their breakfast.  He will arrive right before class starts between 8:15 and 8:25.  I am not paying for 2 or 3 meals a day when he can eat at home before school starts.

It sounds from Danes teacher that he had a good day and I am happy about that.  Hopefully she is telling me the truth for me not to be concerned.  I need to set up a M-Team meeting to get the personnel involved with Dane to let the staff know about his condition.  A lot of the teachers and people working close with him don't know he has autism.  I could have knocked the librarian over with a feather when I told her last year.  I couldn't believe she didn't know.  I thought that the school would have brought this to their faculty's attention.  I guess that is up for me to let them know.  What if something sets off a meltdown and the teacher thinks he is misbehaving?  Anyone involved around Dane must know his condition.  That is the importance of the M-Team meeting.  Like an IEP but with all who is involved with Dane to bring it to their attention.

Dentist Cleaning and Sealants

Dane's 2nd trip to the dentist went well. He needed a teeth cleaning and they added sealants to 4 of his molars. I hope he will never have to sit through cavity drilling again. The sealants should help prevent cavities at least in those areas. The last time he was at the dentist he had 3 cavities drilled.

The first thing the dental hygienist did was put sunglasses on him. Good thing because he's looking strait up at fluorescent lights that scramble his vision. The flickering of the lights could have put him into a sensory over-load and probably would have prompted him into a meltdown.

For the first 5 minutes or so he was doing as told. Something started to scare him or hurt his ears because they have those little screaming instruments inside his mouth. That had to have been hard and hurt his hearing. He started to have tears run down his face. I know he badly wanted to cup his ears but the dentist kept telling him to put his hands down.

The part I didn't like was how fast they tried to work with him. I know when I get my teeth cleaned it's like they can't wait to get me out of that chair and get the next paying patient in. Slow down already! My kid has autism and he's very sensitive. Sure, she kept saying "This doesn't hurt, it's only air." What does she know what hurts him and what doesn't?

The best thing was when it was over and he got his picture taken for the "no cavity club." He's the only kid in there with sunglasses on.

I had my 3 year old daughter in there with me to see what happens at the dentist. She liked that she got a sticker after it was over. Dane got to pick out a couple toys of his own. Nothing that would spin did they have so he picked out 2 bouncy balls.

When we got home he was excited that he got to put his pinwheels into the ground. He must have played and organized them for about an hour.


Tomorrow he has intensive therapy. It will last about 3 hours and my wife will have to take him alone. I will be at work and my father will have to watch my daughter. The therapists don't want his sister there as she will cause distraction.

Some days I have to take family medical leave from work to be at the therapy session when needed. Part of the therapy is family counseling for my wife and I. They recommended that for all parents involved with the therapy. I have no say if I want to or not.  The family counselor has given us very good advice as to how we need to address problems so far.

It would have been different if my daughter was born first and we would have had prior experience parenting.  Parenting an autistic child is a lot to learn and how to deal with how they react to their environment.  Once you get to know what sets them off the better prepared you become once your aware. 

Don't React. Act

Upon discussing with the family counselor we have learned that we say too much.  When the children are misbehaving or we do not like what they are doing we don't act.  We need to give a look of disapproval and if bad behavior is the problem, time out.

Talking and scolding goes no where.  It gives the children negative attention.  Whether attention is good or bad, it is still attention.   We need to put a mark on the brain when learning good from bad.  When bad happens we need to teach the kids that they have done something bad.  Praise is when they do good and compliment how good they were.  Being naughty deserves nothing.  That is why talking doesn't help.  Explaining doesn't work.  Yelling doesn't work.  Say nothing.  After time out, ask what s/he did wrong.  If they shrug their shoulders, tell them what was wrong.

With Danes auditory processing disorder, the counselor explained that while we are 3 sentences into telling him what he did wrong, he's back on the first few words.  I try to cut sentences short so he understands but the counselor is right.  Bad behavior doesn't even deserve explanation.  Soon we should be able to get "the look" as she describes it.  When the children are misbehaving and giving them that look will make them stop in their tracks.  Like a deer in headlights.

Dane had a meltdown the other night because Allyson stepped on his pin wheel.  She barely touched it with her foot.  Dane reacted very emotionally and wanted a new pin wheel.  He kept saying "Ally broke it."  He wanted to go to the store.  He jumped in my vehicle and was pushing down on the pedals to drive.  I have to keep the doors locked on both cars so he doesn't go in anymore.

I explained and kept telling Dane that his pin wheel was fine.  It still spins, it is not broke.  We don't have to go to the store.  On and on I kept telling him.  Nothing worked.  In a meltdown like this the counselor said I wasted my breath.  She said to get him in the house and put him in his room.  I said that he'd scream, kick and hit if I carried him in. In this case, I need to get down behind him and firmly hug him.  Not saying anything as well to get him to come out of that state.

When bad behavior is a problem, we can't just stay sitting on the couch telling the kids not to do what we disapprove of as parents.  We need to get up and make them stop.  That is why my kids have me wrapped around their little fingers at times.  I need to regain control of my household.  It doesn't pay to get excited and yell because that just makes things worse.  Get up and make the kids learn who is in charge.

Transitions

Shopko had a huge clearance and I actually decided to replace our plain jane table.  The table was sturdy and the ends flipped down but I hated the chairs.  Sometimes I'd try to scoot my seat up and the one chair was missing a screw.  I would end up getting my thumb pinched in between the frame and the seat with me sitting on my own hand.  One good reason to replace the chairs at least.

Nine years later I knew I wanted to get a nice decorative table with solid chairs to spice up the dining room.   I didn't think the 5 piece set would come in a big 135 lb. box for complete assembly.  I am not mr. handyman at about anything.  Usually my wife is handy and can read assembly instructions a lot better.  To say in the least, she let this to me.

I let Dane know that we have a new table.  Daddy needs to put it together.  I showed him the flyer of what it will look like when it's finished.  My wife took the kids up north to her dads to drop a box of Ally's smaller cloths to give to her brothers daughter who's a year younger.  It works out decent.  When Ally gets too big we donate the clothes to her cousin.  Most of the clothes we get are from 2nd hand stores or on extreme markdown at the stores.

A few hours later my wife and kids returned from their 2 hour drive.  The very first reaction from Dane turned into a meltdown.  He wanted to take the table apart and help me put it back together.  He went down on his hands and knees crying and started banging his head on the floor.  I had to talk him through it and get him to agree to go outside with me so I could take him for a walk in the wagon around the block.  When we got back he was much more accepting to the transition of the new table.

Anything different needs to be drilled into his head that something is going to change and he needs to be forewarned.  I showed him the flyer and the box of the un-assembled table and chairs.  I told him we have a new table.  If I would have just gotten a new dining set without giving him notice he would have been much worse to regain control over.

Confused

I don't think that people see the way my wife and I see our son.  I know that from looking at him that he appears that there can certainly be nothing wrong.  He is a smart and handsome young man from looks.  On the inside is what people don't see and what we deal with.  Behavior wise.  If I were to record and show one of his meltdowns they would be in shock that this is the same boy.

Medical terminology has not given us a term to describe my sons autism.  I am sure that he is high functioning (HF).  He is now using speech to ask and get what he wants.  It is hard to figure out what he is saying at times and he gets frustrated. He is using fine motor skills at school to bead a string into a necklace.  He is starting to ride a bike with training wheels.   He is doing lots of normal little boy stuff.

He does good at early education in school.  They give him sensory breaks every two hours and take him out of class.  He had only had 1 fairly difficult meltdown the year so far.  He seems to be making some friends and getting to socialize better.  He used to shy off to the corner by himself away from everyone and play with his toys.  Nobody else existed in his world.  He has come a long way so far.

However, it seems that no one sees the inside behavior that my wife and I put up with.  My father has seen how his temper can change over something small.  I see it every day.  Everything at home sets him off the wall.  Turning on the microwave, starting the dryer, pushing down the toaster.  Little things all the time.  If he does it first or has the chance that I let him he will be fine.  Then a while later I forget and do something that throws off his routine all hell breaks loose.  He will hit the floor, bang his head, hit the walls, hit his sister, tip over chairs and stomp on the floor with his feet.  That is very aggravating.  That is not normal.  His therapist said something about an audio processing disorder.  This causes him to do the things he does without thinking because their is more hormone in that part of his brain that sets him over the edge.  Fight and Run she also described it as.

At therapy for the time hes there, he cooperates.  At school, he listens.  At home it can be a nightmare.  We have been seeing improvements with his therapy and he holds back from hitting his sister.  In turn he hits himself and bites his hand. Thinking about it now it seems that frustration sets him off a lot.

Jello Meltdown

Home at last from a long day in the factory. A long hard day wanting to get home to a beloved family and take a shower. Walking into a house with a sleeping wife and kids, life is good. Time to unwind.

I was lucky enough to grab the cold leftover pizza out of the fridge from the night before. I can't start the microwave because that will wake up Dane and he will scream half in his sleep. He wouldn't be happy until he stops the microwave and starts it again. That's all part of his routine. I got to tip toe around my house to not wake up the sleeping household. This should be my time to relax.

Nice. I got in a quick shower and the kids are still sleeping. What's this, Dane is waking up and want's Jello? "Okay, you can have some." I say quietly not to wake his little sister.

"I want jello too!" Screams Ally half in her sleep. Oh Sh*t, here we go. Remain calm. I'm beat and I hurt my arm today at my job. Can't I just sit down to a bit of peace and quiet? Just this once? Please? No.

Dane curls up on the floor, throws a sheet over his head with the jello and cries. "Want jello!" A meltdown over jello. He cries for the next 20 minutes. I can't talk him out of it or open the jello for him. He wants to but he won't get off the floor curled in a ball on top of the jello container. Now his sister is whining about jello too. I can feel my hair getting grayer.

Finally. Meltdown over. They have to work themselves out of it. Some are longer then others so this one was about mid-range. At least he didn't bang his head on the floor and try to hit his sister. That is something to be thankful for in the least.

Jello time. Some for you and some for you. Their both happy. Time to go outside, it's nice out. I will sit in the chair and watch the kids play. Not a chance. Now it's Ally's turn to raise hell. She doesn't want to get dressed and get her boots on. She screams, "I don't want it!" Great. Dane is done now it's her turn to make my life miserable. Why?

Now, I have no choice. Off to Grandpa's so they can run and play so my wife can rest up to work the graveyard shift. Their happy. Sweet. Now if they will only go to bed on time tonight so I can try to read my new book before I fall asleep before I finish the first chapter.

Ritalin

I was having a conversation with a co-worker of mine. We got on the subject of our children and how we like their teachers. I like my son's teachers very much. They really seem to care and work with his autism. During the school year he has had only 1 meltdown during class.

While the meltdown was in progress the teachers lead him out of the class into a sensory break. They applied a deep pressure massage and put headphones on him to listen to soft music. After about 10 minutes he was better and returned to class.

My co-worker explained to me that his son got a note sent home from his teacher. The note explained that his son wasn't doing his math and should be put on ritalin. That to me is not right. How can a teacher make you, the parent force upon a prescribed medication just so it makes her job teaching easier? Needless to say, he was upset and had quite the talk with the teacher and the principal.

I will never medicate my kids. I will fight the school system or pull my child out before that ever happens. To me, medications at a young age only ads up to a long term drug addiction. Not to mention withdrawal. Kids are energetic. Let them run and play. I will not turn my child into a zombie.

My brother-in-law has ADHD and was put on ritalin at a young age. That escalated to depression and he had to be put on anti-depressants. From that, he can't sleep and he's on medication for that. He has nightmares all the time. I do not believe a pill is worth the long term affects.

You see commercials to stop smoking. Here, take this pill. May cause suicidal thoughts, restless sleep, panic attacks, increased heart rate, etc. One pill and you get the side affects, in which, here's another pill for that and another and another. Not worth the risk.

Ritalin is a drug. No teacher has the right to make you do something to your child you are not comfortable with. If you want to control your child, get them involved with something that interests them for the sake of their happiness.

With my sons autism, he can't watch the teacher and learn. He has to spin wheels on a matchbox car while she teaches. That's how he learns. All kids are different in how they learn. Will I get a note from my sons teachers saying he's not paying attention in class? Teachers need to understand that some kids need to be taught differently than others. Isn't that why they become teachers in the first place?

water, left out & noises

It really heated up this week.  Yesterday and today reached a high of 96 degrees.  For the rest of the week we're back into the mid 60's.  It will probably storm with this cold front moving in.  It was so hot in the house I had to set up a sleeping area in our basement so we could all sleep.  I'd run our air conditioner but our electric bill goes way up.  I switched over to box fans for our windows but from what happened last summer the bill was no different then if I ran the air conditioner.  Why waste the energy if the house doesn't cool down?  Just go downstairs I figure.

Dane loves water unless it involves getting his hair washed.  My sister-in-law bought a water sprinkler system from the dollar store.  She thought that the older kids would have played with it but Dane was the only one.  Allyson, my daughter, stayed in the clear because the water was cold.  Once Dane ran through it once, he had fun with his cousins spraying him with their super soakers.  I originally bought the water guns thinking Dane would play with them but he can't squeeze the trigger.  I'd like to go back and maybe find him a battery operated water sprayer so he can play and get back at his cousins.

Grandma had 5 tickets to see the same circus we just seen last week.  I do not wish to see it again but my nephews didn't see it.  Grandma took my 2 nephews and had 2 tickets left for kids 12 and under free admission.  Dane overheard that they were going to the circus.  I told him that he already seen the circus and now it is Damian and Tylers turn.  He went to our truck and threw the booster seats in the back and then buckled himself in.  There he stayed spinning the wheels on his little car.  I came to check on him from time to time and ask if he was going to come out and play.  He said "No" and that he's going to the circus.  As long as he wasn't getting out of control I thought I'd let him sit in the car until he was ready to come out.

A while later Grandma and the boys left and Dane came out.  He took it pretty well seeing that Grandpa stayed back.  He got out his power wheels jeep and rode around the yard with his sister on her 4 wheeler power wheels.  I got out the go cart and we chased each other around the yard.  Dane wanted a ride because I gave Ally one.  He would have had a complete meltdown if I wouldn't have but it was no trouble.

Dane has his therapy tomorrow and I have FML off of work.  I get to talk with one of the counselors with my wife to discuss how things are going and if we need to work on anything new.  The noises he is making sticking out his tongue and unresponsive when we talk to him is to be of concern.  The counselor wants us to try and capture on video what he looks like during the process.  It may be seizure activity and may lead up to an EEG scan on his brain.

Sensory or Behavioral Meltdown?

There has to be two forms of an autistic meltdown. Sensory meltdown and behavioral meltdown. I'm not positive of this. This is just my concerns from what I witness with my son.

A sensory meltdown occurs when the nervous system goes into a sensory over-load. This involves the sense of touch, smell, taste, sound and vision. When an over stimulating environment causes the mind to scramble and not process the information fast enough.

A behavioral meltdown happens when the autistic child doesn't get to do something and can't get a hold of themselves till they get it done with. No matter how small the situation.

Tonight my dad was on the phone and he hung it up without my son saying hello and goodbye to who was on the other end. This upset him to a point of a tantrum that wouldn't end. It is one of his routines to say "hello and goodbye" to the other person on the phone. Thus, the behavioral meltdown in my view.

I put it off and tried to let him cry himself out and calm down without my help. I thought it would only last a few minutes but it lasted a long time. Usually I try to rub his back or give him a tight hug for sensory stimulation but tonight he wouldn't let me near him. Maybe being tired and a nap cut short triggered this?

Going on to 40 minutes he wasn't getting any better emotionally. I had to do something about this. He was making himself sick he was crying so much. All because he didn't say "hello" on the phone.

It came to the point where I called my parents home phone from my cell phone. The phone rang and he finally got to say hello and goodbye to me on the other line. Now the tears turned into sniffles and sighs of relief. All it took was for me to call and have him answer.

It makes me sick thinking that it will be like this until he has more therapy. He needs to understand that some things he cannot do. He needs to not get so upset over the smallest things. I know I could have prevented the prolonged tantrum by calling earlier. I should have. I wanted to see if he could end it on his own but it wasn't happening. How do I redirect his attention to not focus on the phone? Nothing was changing his mind.

Sometimes a parent feels lost what way they can do or should have done earlier to prevent a situation like this.  The best way to handle a meltdown, is to prevent it from happening.  You just don't know what will trigger it off. 

Case Worker Observation

I knew it would be like this.  Our case worker came by at 4 pm today to observe Dane and how severe his autism is.  He did everything she asked him to do within an hours time.  She asked him questions while I watched his sister.  He mostly played with his water table but took the time to bring me a broken screw that was sitting on my deck.  She asked him to bring the screw to me.

Allyson, my daughter, was playing with her push mower that blows bubbles and I needed to get the mail.  I took her by the hand thinking I had time to get it without Dane noticing.  Dane and his observer were on the other side of the house so I thought it would be safe.  Just as I was back on my side of the street with my mail, Dane seen that I got the mail without him.  He ran and grabbed it out of my hand and went to put it back into the mail box, closed it, and then took the mail back out.  He was on the verge of a meltdown.  His eyes were wide open and it looked like he was going to cry his eyes out.  That was adverted by him getting the mail.  If I did not let him, things would have gotten ugly with his emotions.

I took the mail into the house and then got Allyson her 4 wheeler power wheels ready for her to ride on.  The case worker had Dane fill a cup with water and put 3 dandelions in the cup.  He pulled out the flowers and counted, "1, 2, 3." and put them in the cup.

I am clueless to some of the things she asked of him because I was busy keeping his sister away from him.

The case worker asked me what kind of discipline I use.  I told her it depends if were inside or outside.  If we are outside, I told her we go back in the house if he doesn't listen.  If we're inside, I take his toys away.  I told her we tried "time out" with him but he would kick down the door.  Time out never worked because of that.  I told her that not going to Grandpa's house was how I disciplined because he always looks forward to going there.

Dane was a perfect angel during the whopping hour observation.  If she could only see what he's like when she isn't there to observe his behavior the other 23 hours of the day.

"SELF HARM"

I don't understand the emotions involved in the autistic mind of my son.  When he has his mind set on something he has to do it now or see it.  When told "no" and trying to explain is like opening pandora's box.  Nothing seems to calm him down.  The littlest things can set him off into a meltdown.

This is where he starts to say and do things that are not normal.  He is so upset that he will bite his hand and/or bang his head on the floor or hit the floor.  He will say things like, "I'll break my teeth."  He will put a cloth in his mouth like his shirt or blanket and pull.  Why does he get so upset?  Because I told him "No."  There are boundaries he needs to understand and follow the rules.  Just like everybody else.  When he's like this I am at a total loss.  I try to advert his attention to something else.  Mostly the meltdown just has to run its course.  After that it's a difference of night and day with what just happened.

When trying to control outbreaks like this, remain calm.  The frustration you show feeds into that emotion.  Even trying a stern voice doesn't help in this case.  Most children can understand who is in control.  You are.  Keep your voice calm and try to explain "Why" to the child.  I've tried this but I think my wife does a much better job.  I think he can sense the frustration in my voice or something.  He seems to get a grip on himself faster with her than me trying to talk him out of his anxiety. 

It doesn't help much that we have to work opposite shifts and live like we are single parents.  His little sister doesn't seem to help much when she pushes his buttons.  She knows what's wrong and still she'll mess up his row of cars or take something he likes.  Then he hits her.  I hate that and I try to get control over that and explain that that makes her sad and it hurts her and I have to show him a no-hitting social story. 

"DISCIPLINE"

My autistic son has a hard time dealing with his emotions.  They take over and run his life.  As a parent dealing with behavioral meltdowns it is complicated to not set off his temper.  When he has his mind set on something, like, going to the store with Grandpa, telling him "No" can trigger this emotion.  We try to explain that, "Grandpa will be right back!" doesn't help.  He can't deal with being left out for a few minutes.

This brings up his behavioral meltdown/tantrum.  His mind is over-loaded with sadness and heartache that he is left out.  Then comes anger.  He throws, stomps his feet, slaps the wall and slams the doors.

What do you do with a child who learn these life situations and can understand?  You use discipline.  Autistic or not, discipline has to be a used practice.  To not discipline the child for being naughty and not listening to you lets that child walk all over you.  Soon, you will not have any control over bad moments if they get away with bad behavior all the time.

Take something away like their favorite toy to teach them that they were bad.  When they are good they can have it back.  Think of a way to teach your child that they were doing something wrong and not listening to you.  Discipline has its key role to teach our children right from wrong.

My sons Behavioral Therapist through the school gave us a reward chart to use.  When he is good and does as he is told, he gets a smiley face sticker on the chart.  When his goal is not reached, he gets a sad face sticker.  When he sees more smiley faces on that chart it makes him feel that he is meeting his goals.  That also makes a parent happy to see your child doing what they are supposed to do.

With discipline comes rewards.  A child who maintains his self-discipline deserves something for his/her good work.  You have to let the child know that you are pleased with the results you are seeing.  Let the child choose their reward also.  Something like a small toy or to play at the park.  It doesn't have to be big, just something the child enjoys.  Giving the child a choice in their rewards makes them feel happy and in control. 

That is what discipline is about.  Taking something bad and making something good come out of it.  Like their behavior.

"OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY"

An Occupational Therapist is someone who promotes health by enabling people with disabilities to perform meaningful occupations with daily purpose.  Occupation not only means "work related."  This is the active process of taking care of ourselves and others, doing every day routines, and being socially and economically productive throughout our lives.

With Occupational Therapy, the therapist helps the disabled person learn how to do things to enhance their skills to get involved with their surroundings.  This is the use of physical, environmental, psychosocial, mental, spiritual, political and cultural factors to identify things that disrupt their abilities.

While in therapy, the therapist will observe how well the child performs tasks and how they act when participating in age-appropriate activities or situations.  Within their observations, the therapist will know what aspects of the disability to work on with the child.

My son right now has seen 2 of these occupational therapists dealing with his autism.  I think there will be more to come.  One of these therapists work with him at school. He is doing well learning new abilities to be accepted in a social environment.  It is very important that he learns how to deal with life situations and be able to act responsibly for his actions.

The main goal of Occupational Therapy is to increase the individuals function and independence of life.  We are very lucky to have people trained in these areas to help parents learn more what we can do to overcome stressful situations.  They will teach you how to handle sensory meltdowns and give you advice on other topics troubling you.  All you have to do is ask.

"KEY SYMPTOMS OF ASD"

I have been telling so far my experience with my sons autism.  The red flags, his signs of the autism spectrum disorder.  No two children on the spectrum are alike.  The spectrum can range from mild to very severe.

I have been studying on this topic going over  4 years.  Every time there is a new idea about treatment, I have to watch or read that article.  I want to know and understand what other parents, like myself, go through to teach and handle their child with autism.  How to handle their sensory overloads.  How to advert their attention away from their autistic traits.  How to be more social.

As a new parent, you see your child as flawless.  As baby's they are so beautiful and fragile.  You want nothing other than the best care and security for them.  As they grow and you see that child roll over for the first time, it brings tears of joy to your eyes.  Then you see them take their first steps.  You hear their first words.  But then all of a sudden, they stop talking.  What's that about?  Does it make you think, or do you just go on to wait and hope it comes back?

These are more of the key symptoms of autism in infants:

No joyful expressions or big smiles by 6 months

No sharing of sounds or facial expressions by 9 months

No baby babbling by 12 months

No showing of gestures such as pointing, waving, showing or reaching by 12 months

No 2 word meaningful sentences by 24 months (by not repeating)

Loss of speech, babbling or social skills at any age

I never understood how a child younger then the age of 2 could be diagnosed.  The professionals know and can spot the signs as clear as you can read these words. 

I waited to see if my sons routines would break themselves.  That his speech would return and we could understand him.  That his sensory overloads were just behavior that would change in time.  I regret the wait.  I should have taken him in to get him screened sooner.