Routines

A routine I didn't mention at the early stages of my son when he was still a toddler. Before we left anywhere, he would have to jump over the seats in our vehicles, turn on the dome lights and honk the horn.

No matter what we would do, he just had to do these quirky things or he would go wild. This is before we knew he was autistic. We really didn't know what autism was at that time. We knew there was something wrong. One routine after another. After one routine starts and goes on for a while, it ends and a new one starts.

Trying to buckle him into his car seat was virtually impossible. He would kick and scream. He would have to turn on the dome lights, honk the horn and then he would be as calm as can be and get buckled in to go. We knew we didn't want him to do this all the time. When it's time to go, it's time to go now. I don't want to have to deal with fighting with my son when we want to go somewhere.

Every time though, we would have to cave in after a few minutes and make him happy just to go anywhere. Every routine had complete control over us. Until he flipped a switch, spun a wheel, honked the horn, lined toys up, etc...we let him do it just so he wouldn't throw a tantrum.

When he would tantrum they would last from 45 minutes to an hour. That was enough to bring us as parents to our knees. Screaming, kicking and crying. What were we doing wrong? I just wanted our child to be happy. If he could only talk to tell us what was wrong.

Every day is a new adventure. There are good days and they are very well appreciated. When there are bad days it is like hell on earth where anything we try to do is wrong and nothing makes him happy. I figured out though that when he is over-tired, that is when he is at his worst. That is when nothing is right and all he needs to do is nap. After a nap he is all better. Getting him to lay down for the nap or bed time is the real challenge.

Denial

I forgot that looking back before when my son with diagnosed with autism how I was denying the red flags spotting that there were definite signs of autism. His little sister was born and everything he was accomplishing as a toddler stopped.

The very thought that crossed my mind was that he wants to be the baby. "This is why he's doing what he is doing. That's not autism. That's regression." It took the day of the screening and the final diagnosis of him being autistic that it finally hit me. There is something wrong. Time to accept those facts. Now what?

We are dealing with this one day at a time. I have a hard time accepting that when he get's older that more things will change. I have heard that when autistic children get older, they can get worse. That scares me.

I've been seeing this with his sensitivity. It's hard to wash his hair. He freaks out when I pour water over his head to rinse. I slowly and gently put shampoo on my hand and run it through his hair. He hates it. He screams. Cutting his hair is hard to. I use the clippers and the sound drives him crazy. I have him plug his ears shut while I trim. Afterwords I give him ice cream and tell him he did a good job. The whole time he is just trembling in fright. He is in sensory over-load. Also recently he has been flapping his hands in front of his face. Another symptom that has started coming into his life.

After its all done he is a happy boy playing and fighting with his little sister. Usually he plays off in the corner by himself. It has taken daycare and schooling to help him include himself with other children, especially his little sister. When she wants to play with him, he'd just ignore her and continue to play with his cars alone. He has gotten better to play with and be included in other childhood games. That's good news knowing that he is beginning to socialize.

Diagnosis

Before my son was diagnosed with autism, I was making excuses that he wasn't autistic. I was in such denial. I was constantly searching for clues and taking online free quizzes about his development skills. Even the quizzes would result in, "Probably Autistic."

Still, seeing those words made me think, "No, that's not right."

I was searching up MMR vaccines with thirmersol or mercury causing symptoms of autism, early signs of autism, aspergers syndrome, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). I wanted specifics! "Tell me what I want to hear! My son is fine! He will outgrow these weird habits and start talking I know it!"

This may be why you are here reading this. You want to know the truth what is going on with your child. I know. I've been there. You know the truth but your thoughts are setting you back telling you that that's not possible. There is another explanation why my child is doing the things he or she is doing.

You talk to other parents what their child is doing or not doing. You compare you child to theirs. You want to know, "Is this normal?"

Deep down, you know something is wrong. You choose not to accept it like I did. You want to wait and see the results that everything is okay. Nothing to worry about, right?

You enroll your child in school. The teachers are seeing things your not. They also give you quizzes about what you see your child doing at home. You and your spouse take separate quizzes and then the school psychologist compares. You put in your comments. It boils down to where the school wants your child labeled. Finally, you get them screened. Diagnosis, Autism.

After that long day with the doctor, occupational therapist and speech therapist the results come in. The doctor says it appears your child has autism.

I took that news in trying not to choke up and held back. The doctor says not to give up hope. I knew this was gonna be the final result but I didn't think it was real.

After the facts were laid out, I also felt a sense of relief. Now, I know it's not all behavior problems. It's things inside that aren't connecting. We have to figure out a way to cope with this. He is our son and we love and accept him unconditionally.

I just hope I can break a barrier with you. Stop denying and get your child screened for autism. It may not be autism. Whatever it is you'll feel better knowing what it is and what you can do about it.

stress

Why is it when parents work so hard all week, coming home to kids who don't listen and being together as a family make your work life much happier then your home life? I cannot understand this. All I want is a happy family. Having an autistic son and a daughter who copy's his behavior makes things harder.

My wife works 3rd shift in a factory. I work 1st at that same job. We do this in order to eliminate day care and make ends meet. Do ends ever meet? Why is it so hard to get our kids to listen to us and make our home life happier?

The way I see it is that my wife has a certain way of raising our kids. When I get the kids is a different way of control. When were together as parents our kids take control over our household. They do not want to listen to either one of us. They fight and tell us "No."

They listen to my wife when it is just her watching the kids. They listen to me when I have the kids. Our structure as a family when were all together seems to diminish some days. Were unhappy. Then the kids settle down and then there is serenity where we can be happy again. It's the time of disagreement and the kids fighting and not listening that brings us to our knees wondering, "What are we doing wrong?"

Things would be totally different if just one of us could stay home. We are living as single parents raising these kids. Will things get better? I sure hope so.

With the intensive therapy starting for my son and my daughter getting out of diapers things should be getting back on the right track. God I hope so.